


hold me in your arms, take the pain away

by Secretstanner



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Give me some time and I’ll get there, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, October update: Not abandoned sorry for taking so long to update, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23232031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secretstanner/pseuds/Secretstanner
Summary: Phil Lester is stuck working for this father’s newspaper, when given an assignment; he must write an article about the first circus to return to Manchester in over 10 years.He arrives at the circus expecting to being reminded of childhood memories, which turns out to be so much more than that when he meets Dan Howell.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 28
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted the first and only chapter to this back in late 2018 but my mental health stopped me from posting. I think this can be better than the idea I had over a year ago.

He was sat at his typewriter, staring blankly at the keys beneath his fingertips. What was he writing about again? He couldn't remember, and he certainly did not care. His foot tapped impatiently as he thought about how he came to be stuck in this unwanted job. It was all because of one person. His father.

Phil was shaken out of his thoughts when a pair of legs appeared, standing in front of his desk. They belonged to his boss, Mr Johnson. He was a short, fat man, balding with prominent wrinkles adorning his face, caused by stress at the age of fifty-three. The buttons of his crinkled white shirt strained against the incredible amounts of fat around his once slim belly.

Phil didn’t even have time to greet him before a hand came slamming down on top of his hardwood desk. There, in his cigarette stained fingers, was a large poster screwed up in a tight fist, digits curled around the paper with such a forceful grip that made it look like the paper would tear at any moment. It was way too damaged to go back to its original form, as the sheet was ruined and almost void of any colour it once had. It was now ripped and curled in on itself because of rain and intense sunlight.

He strained his eyes harshly to properly read what the poster once said. The Wonder Requiem Cirque. A circus? Why was Mr Johnson bringing him this poster?

He still remembered the first time he stepped foot in a circus. It was better than his imagination could have ever led him to believe. An enormous red and gold striped tent fixed to the once muddy field, now brought to life with twinkling light and unique performers, greeting young children as they ran inside.

That was the first and last time he had ever been to one. He couldn’t remember much of that afternoon, but he held on to any broken memories that he had yet to fully piece together. It was one of the best days of his young life. He never did much other than attend school and his father's workplace, so something as magical as a circus coming to the city was more than his young brain could fathom.

Circus performers were given a bad reputation after the incident that happened 12 years ago. It shocked most of the city and left the performers cast away; some even branded them as freaks. Whispers were heard every now and again of them being in nearby towns but none had dared to come back to Manchester.

Even with that being over 10 years ago, he couldn’t help but still feel like that same little boy who once thought how incredible it would be to travel all round the world in a circus. Not that he had talent good enough that people would pay to see him. No, he was way too clumsy for anything that would need to gain attraction.

No matter how old he grew, it would always be a distant dream that stayed in the back of his mind. He often wrote fiction about traveling to places like The United States. But that was only fiction, never to become a reality.

Realising he hadn’t spoken yet, he cleared his throat and said, “A circus, sir?”

With his heart beating at a fast pace, he tried to hide his excitement. Mr Johnson moved his face, so it was merely inches away from Phil’s until he was leaning  
across the desk. His heavy stature caused the table to creak when he placed both of his hands on the hardwood, as it struggled to hold his weight.

“Yes, Philip, the circus freaks are back!”

‘Freaks’? Why did that word sting like someone took a lit cigarette and pressed it to his bare flesh? Was it because he felt that word applied to him?

As a child, he would write stories about running away to the circus and almost did at one point in his life. He didn’t want what his father planned for him; to get a job at his father’s newspaper company, marry a beautiful young woman, and start a family. Even at 9 years old, Phil knew he couldn’t let that happen, well, not yet at least. He wanted to explore and as a boy, running away was the only solution his mind could conjure. Now at the age 24, he knew the best he could do was put off marrying as long as possible and if that meant doing what he was told, Phil would do it.

How could Phil respond to Mr Johnson’s words? What did he need from him? Phil just stared at him, trying to not indicate that those words affected him.

Mr Johnson finally spoke once again. “Do you know how much attention this will bring to the city, Philip? It’s been years, and we are the first to know about this. I looked all around town and didn’t find a single flier. We need to contact them before any of the other local news outlets get a hold of this.”

All Mr Johnson cared about was money and being the first to write an article about this would be the talk of Manchester.

He knew he had to ask. “What exactly do you want to contact them about? To give an interview?” Mr Johnson shrugged. Phil let out a small sigh “Who are you going to get to write about it, sir?”

Phil didn’t think for a second that he would be given this assignment. He was never the one given the interesting topics; he would always be given the pages towards the back of the newspaper, only ever given mundane activities to write about. Phil was sure no one cared to ever read it - except for his mother, of course.

“You will. Roger doesn’t have the—the same way with people like you do. You could get as much behind-the-scenes information as possible. People trust you, Philip. You’re odd, people take trust in that. They won’t be worried about what they tell you.”

He was right. Phil was so odd that no one would have ever seen Phil as a threat. He was tall and slim, with shaggy black hair he slicked back with gel and small round frames that sat at the bridge of his slightly beaked nose. No one would ever find him intimidating. He was good with people and very well liked at university. He knew people found him credible.

“What is it that you need me to report on?”

Mr Johnson smiled, yellow stained teeth showing as he spoke, “I want you to find out about the death of the performer. See if they knew anything about the circus it happened in, where are the people who worked there? I’m sure they heard about it, their kind must have been aware for none to have come here, until now that is.”

“What makes you think they would even tell us any information? They won’t agree to talking to a newspaper.”

“Like I said Philip, they trust you. Make friends with the carnies if you have to. We’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse. No one says no to free publicity.”

Phil really didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to trick these performers into giving information and then have to write about It. He knew he had to do this. If Mr Johnson spoke to his father, Phil knew that it would only cause trouble. Phil really did the bare minimum, only being employed because his father had a say in him being there. He didn’t want to cause his father any trouble.

Phil straightened up directing his body to face Mr Johnson. He had to pretend he wanted to write this article. Phil let out an unsure breath and said, “When do I start?”

————————————————————————

Dan felt a warm breeze caressing his bare arms. As he made his way outside, he noticed a torn envelope by the trailer door that hovered over the freshly cut lawn. 

“What you got there, Dan?” He looked up to see the petite figure of a young female standing a foot away. He held up his hand trying to block out the sunlight beams that blocked his vision. 

The girl was beautiful; she possessed intense coffee coloured eyes, heart-shaped lips and thick waves of chocolate hair. It was Hazel, his best friend he’d known since he was barely 5 years old. Her hair was pulled into a neat ponytail tied with a light red ribbon, matching the rouge on her cheeks. However, a few of her locks escaped their confinements and lay sprawled across her forehead. She looked just like Dan, people would often mistake them for twins when they were younger and at the time, they played up to the deceiving act.

“Hey, Hazy. I don’t know, I found it just outside my door. Vincent must have left it there. It was opened when I found it.”

Hazel moved closer to Dan and sat next to him, blocking the entrance to his trailer. “Why don’t you read it?” She questioned, her eyes flicking from Dan to the ripped envelope.

Dan quickly bumped shoulders with her. “I was just about to, you know, right before you came and distracted me.” He said with a playful grin.

Hazel swatted Dan’s arm. “Just open it, Stupid bugger!”

Dan let out a howl of laughter. “Oh, is there really any need for name-calling?” Hazel just gave him an unimpressed look. “Fine, fine, I’m opening it now.”

_

100 York road,

Manchester,

MA1 4HH

Vincent. P. James, The Wonder Requiem Cirque

I’m writing from Manchester’s local newspaper, The Lester Standard. We heard news of your arrival to Manchester and thought it would be interesting to interview some of your circus folk for an article. As you are probably aware, there has not been such an attraction in the city for many years. Our establishment could gain you a lot of publicity, that is, if you allowed it, as we are one of the top news outlets.

I will send Mr. Lester, son of the founder of The Lester Standard and our best writer. We can assure you that this young man will be nothing but well-behaved. I would have him shadow and interview your performers to get a behind the scenes look at how carnie folk live. I have left the address for The Lester Standard if you wish to reply.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Mr Johnson

_

Hazel turned to meet Dan’s eyes. “What do you think?”

Dan didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want someone to demand questions about their way of life.

“I--I think if this is what Vincent wants, then we should do as he pleases. I’m sure he is aware of all the things that may go wrong. But this Mr Johnson from the letter is right. Publicity, free publicity is what we need now more than before. We have barely gotten by for the past few years, we need this.”

Hazel shot him a sympathetic smile. “Are you going to go find him?”

Dan placed the sheet of paper back in the envelope. “Yes, I need to know what he needs from me. There must be something if he left this at my door.”

She stood to move away, but not before turning back to Dan. “Come find me later?” 

He gave her a reassuring nod and Hazel bashfully placed her petite hand on Dan’s cheek, giving a quick peck to his lips before she hurried away.

Dan set out on finding Vincent, who had known him since the day he was born. Vincent was younger then, his head full of tawny locks was now left with sparse silver specks that no longer covered his scalp. The once gorgeous showman was now replaced with the 60-year-old man old enough to be a grandfather. He was exactly that for many runaways he housed over the years, asking for nothing, not even a penny and giving everything he could. Maybe that’s why everything they had was falling apart. It was the reason they had ended up in Manchester.

Dan soon stood in the small dining tent. It was close to noon, maybe he would have luck finding him. As he was searching, he spotted Dorothy. She looked a lot like Hazel, being her mother and all, but she didn’t hold the same youthful appearance as her daughter did. He spoke as he made his way over to her. “Dee! Have you seen Vincent?”

“Sweetie,” She took Dan’s face in her hands, small fingers running across his stained pink cheeks. She kissed his forehead gently and answered his question when she saw the impatient look on his face. “Yes, not so long ago I saw him next to his trailer. Is there something you need, Mon Cher?”

“I found a letter he left me this morning, I just wanted to ask him about it.”

“Ah well you better find him, he said he was heading into town, so go quick before he’s gone.”

Dan thanked her by kissing her hand and ran towards Vincent’s trailer.

In the distance he saw Vincent, dressed in his best day clothes–definitely not something he’d wear everyday working around the tents. They didn’t dress up unless they had a show. His blazer and trousers made from dark brown wool that looked like it would scratch the naked skin underneath, causing minor grazes. The clothes were a little outdated - they looked as if they were about to burst trying to stretch across his oversized frame.

“Vincent,” Dan yelled, hoping that he was heard from across the field. He was in luck when he saw him turn to see Dan running towards him. Dan gasped from running at such a rapid speed. Once he was a few feet away from Vincent, he huffed a laugh while bending over to catch himself from collapsing.

Vincent chuckled, eyes forming deep creases above his cheeks. “Don’t go killing yourself, Dan.”

Dan stood up straight once he was sure he would not faint. “Are you heading out?” He remembered Dorothy said he was going into town, he assumed it was to give Mr Johnson an answer.

“I was, did you by any chance read the letter I left for you?”

“I did. Why did you need me to read it?” He assumed it was because he needed to be interviewed. Dan wasn’t a performer anymore, but he knew a lot about how everything worked around here; he had a lot of information that Mr Lester would need.

“Well, they’re sending Mr Lester over to write a report and I need someone to help him. As you know, once everyone finds out about him being here to write for a newspaper, they won’t be very forthcoming with him.” He paused to clear his throat. Dan could see the stress taking over his body: it aged him prematurely. “We need this, Dan. I don’t know how much longer we can last; this article can bring in crowds of unimaginable amounts of people. Ones we haven’t ever had or at least since before…”

Dan remembered they once had the most popular circus that was known by all towns and cities around. People would flock for miles just to see one performer in particular. They needed something to help them before it was too late.

“I’ll do it for you—I’ll do it for us.”

Vincent’s shoulders dropped dramatically like every ounce of stress had flowed from his body out into the hot air. “Thank you, Dan. Your parents would be so proud of you, you know that, don’t you?”

Dan knew that, and it was the only thing that kept him going, kept him here with this makeshift family they all created together. He couldn’t help but smile, no matter what had happened in his past. At 19 years of age his life was only just beginning.

“Yeah, I know, how could they not be? I mean, look at me.” He gestured to himself, stood wearing the darkest pair of slacks he could find, brown coloured braces and a white tee. 

“I’m the gorgeous piece of arse that brings the crowds flocking in.” Dan couldn’t help a smirk at the sarcasm that dripped from his tongue. He was rarely seen by any of the audience. He preferred to stay in the background these days, helping the acts get ready for the show and bringing them water once they finished performing.

Vincent’s face had turned red from holding his breath. He finally released a snort of laughter that he was holding in. “Yes, Dan, what would any of us do without—your arse? And really, it seems like Hazel is the only person you can get to flock to you.”

Dan let out a nervous laugh before sighing. He reached up to smooth the back of his neck. “Ha, yes, you aren't wrong there.”

Vincent rolled his eyes at Dan’s uneasiness. “Oh now, a beautiful girl that’s been falling for you since you weren’t even teens, sounds just the worst there, Dan.”

“Sorry, I’m just having an off day, think the sun’s getting to me.”

Dan looked up to see Vincent’s grin, giving him a knowing look. He was a kind and gentle person, Dan knew he meant nothing by it. “Yes, I know. I will actually head off now. I want to get there and back before dark. Do you think you could tell some of them? I don’t want to leave it too long before Mr Writer Man is here.” He said as he puffed out his chest to imitate what this reporter might be like. 

“I’ll go find Hazel, I promised I’d meet her as soon as I finished talking to you.”

Vincent took Dan in a warm embrace before turning away and opened his car door. It was about an hour drive to the city, so he needed to leave now.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan was wandering through the almost vacant fields before going to find Hazel, swinging his shoes that he had placed in one hand after pulling his trouser legs up to expose his knee caps. He took his time to stroll across the vivid green as spring wouldn’t be around for much longer; he wanted to remember the feeling of fresh grass under his bare feet before it became dried and cracked. 

He was looking forward to the summer, having such fond memories of him and Hazel putting on shows for the other performers, being only six and seven at the time. Dan still had a silver scar that was badly hidden by sparse leg hair. They had been told about how much potential they had by Dan’s parents, who  
decided that if the pair promised to practice, his mum and dad would give them lessons. Learning aerial acrobatics took a lot of time and strength having to hold Hazel off the ground, even if it was only by a couple of feet. However, after a few short months of practice they started their double act.

He could vividly remember the moment he and Hazel saw the life-sized poster pasted on the side of one of the trailers. It showed them dressed in their vibrant show outfits, covered with rhinestones and feathers. Hazel was excited the day she got to borrow one of Dan’s mother’s wigs. It looked too big for her head and Dan was sent into uncontrollable laughter when he first caught sight of her almost toppling over. 

Dan hadn’t realised he reached the dining tent until he felt a pair of arms slide around his midsection. He watched as two hands with red-painted fingernails squeezed tightly around the fabric of his shirt, and turned his face to catch Hazel smiling brightly at him. 

He let out a small chuckle. “Something you need, Hazel?” She untangled her body from Dan’s to walk in front of him instead. He loved Hazel, he really did, but only as a friend. Sometimes Dan thought she was the only one who couldn’t see what everyone else did.

“Yes actually." She gave him a concerned look, turning away to peer around the tent to see if anyone was within earshot. Grabbing him by the wrist, she dragged him to one of the worn picnic tables that didn’t look like it could hold both of their weight. 

“Did you find out what Vincent wanted from you?” She questioned. 

Dan turned his body to face her, he saw that she was probably coming up with theories in her head. “He was heading out and I caught him before he left.” 

Hazel scrunched up her face, causing the skin between her brows to become creased. “Oh where was he going?” Hazel rushed to say before Dan could finish his sentence. 

“Can I answer the first question before you ask more?” He joked, playfully and this was usually the way their friendship worked: she was like an annoying little sister, and he was the irritating big brother.

Hazel impatiently lifted her hand to flick his ear, ordering him to continue.

“Ow first name calling now physical abuse, I don’t think I can put up with this for a day longer.” Dan moved off the seat, pretending to leave and he yelped as she forcefully yanked his arm to pull him back down onto the bench. 

Once seated, Dan adjusted his body comfortably before he said, “I caught him when he was leaving and Vincent asked if I was comfortable with showing the newspaper reporter around.” 

Dan’s shoulders slumped as he rubbed a hand across his mouth. “He doesn’t look healthy, Hazy. I think the stress is really taking a toll on him.” He sighed out. 

He looked over to Hazel and she nodded in agreement. “I haven’t seen much of him since we got here, but I’m happy that he asked if you would show the reporter around. Vincent needs a break from spending so many years trying to keep the circus from failing by making sure we were housed, and the animals were fed. I don’t know how much longer he can go on for.” 

Dan noticed the look of worry on her face, and he couldn’t let her get too worked up over the unpleasant thoughts plagued her brain. 

He plastered a smile on his face before stating, “Vincent said this could help bring in a big audience, like when we were young. Real crowds, Hazy! All here to see you perform. All we need to do is give the right impression.” He gently shoved her shoulder, causing her body to slightly fall backwards. 

“You'll have so many people coming to watch what you can do.” He prophesied. 

She quickly looked down at her lap and tried to conceal her ever growing grin. Dan knew that’s what she wanted ever since they were young. She wanted people to know her name. She wanted to be adored. 

“Will I be interviewed?” 

Dan lent forward, grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, giving it a gentle peck. “But of course, our staring act needs to be interviewed. How could you not?” 

Hazel pulled her hand away. “Stop being so silly, Dan.” She couldn’t help as she chuckled at Dan’s theatrical behaviour.

Dan sat up and cast a neutral expression on his face. “Sorry, yes Vincent wants everyone to be interviewed if possible.” Dan hunched forward, letting the bones of his elbows dig into the dark cotton fabric that contained the flesh on thighs. 

Letting out a sigh, he continued. “I’m going to have to tell the others.” 

“When are you going to tell them?” Hazel pushed one of the fallen ringlets away from her eyes and locked eyes with Dan. 

This would not be easy to get everyone to let their guard down. They knew what people viewed them as and the thought of someone they didn’t know coming into their home, was terrifying.

Dan stood up and walked a couple of feet away from where he was sitting, turning to look around the room full of most of the entertainers. “Now or never I guess." He shrugged after taking a deep breath as he made his way to the front of the tent. He found a deserted chair that had been placed to the side of the tent and climbed on top.

Dan stood frozen on the chair, looking around and noted that no one was paying him any attention. He was an awkward person but he knew most of these people his whole life. He just had to spit it out and he cleared his throat to attract attention to him. No one had noticed, many still talked while they picked at their leftovers from lunch. He tried again, but no one had looked up. 

He opened his to shout, before he heard: 

“Oi! Dan's got something to say.” He studied the room searching for where the voice came from. Dan caught sight of Jack’s well-built body positioned on top of a broken table, shaking as it struggled to hold up his weight. Silence soon filled the tent. 

Jack was his closest friend here and he knew everything about Dan; things he couldn’t tell anyone else, not even Hazel. “Thank you, Jack.” he said after he sent him a smile. 

Jack dragged his tattooed hand through his dirty blond hair, jumped down off the table and walked over to where Dan stood. He placed his hand on the dark haired boy’s back and coolly replied with, “No problem Dan.” Before he pressed his back against a pole, crossing his arms to listen to what Dan was about to say.

Dan took a couple seconds of silence before he spoke, trying to keep up his composure.

“So what I wanted to speak about was, Vincent has informed me we will be having a writer working for ‘The Lester Standard’ coming in the next few days.” 

A room full of 30 people stared back in confusion before they turned to each other and whispered between themselves. 

Jack was the first to speak up, “What do you mean? What’s a newspaper want with us lot?”

“Vincent thinks it will be good for publicity, he received a letter from a newspaper company here in Manchester. They say to be one of the most popular news outlets, and they’ve offered us publicity if we do interviews on being travelling performers, learn what we do in our free time, what kind of people we are. That sort of thing.” Dan didn’t know what else he could say. He barely knew anything himself.

“Are you sure, Dan? Carneys have not been back here in years. All they want is interviews about our acts, learn that we are normal people no different from them.” 

Dan looked down, he felt unsure of how everyone was feeling already. “Well yes, that’s what they said.” He rubbed his hand up and down his arm in hopes of comforting himself. 

"I think it’s a good idea, this will help bring in more money. People will actually buy tickets. We’re not the best now, we’re barely getting by. Don’t any of you miss what we had?” He looked over to Dorothy who was sat in Dan’s place next to Hazel. 

“What do you think Dorothy?” He wanted her approval, Her opinion mattered to him like a mother. 

Everyone now turned and faced her. She let go of Hazel’s hand and walked to stand next to dan. “Dan is right. So is Vincent. Think about what this could do for us, no one has knowledge of us being here. The people this could reach far more than a few posters can do. We can change the view they have about us, about all of us." Dan looked out to see a few people that had nodded their heads in agreement. 

“We will lose everything.” Heads snapped away from the front of the room to see Queenie, she was a gypsy who worked with them by reading cards and people’s palms. Dan didn’t believe any of it. He knew it sold as an attraction and so they all played up to the gimmick, knowing people would buy into the show and pay extra for a reading. 

Jack spoke after a minute of silence. “Yeah okay, loony.” He rolled his eyes, and the silence before was now interrupted with contagious laughter. Even Dan couldn’t hold back letting out a small laugh before he covered his mouth with his hand.

A small voice shouted from somewhere in the room. “When are they getting here?” The room’s gaze had fallen back to Dan.

He shook his head and smiled in disbelief, it looked like some people didn’t need much convincing after all. 

“Tomorrow.”

———————————————————————

The sun had barely risen when Phil woke, it had been over a week since he had the conversation with his boss. He was going there to write the dreaded article. 

No matter how much he hated this job he was forced into, he still respected his parents. His father allowed him to go to university as long as he studies English Language, luckily that is what Phil wanted to study alongside Linguistics. He still had to get a job working with his father but he thought it was worth it. Phil still used the techniques he learnt from his course in private. 

Phil soon would make his way to the location of the circus. He got out of bed and decided to dress down for today; he wasn’t going to his work building.  
The raven haired man found a pair of old work shoes in the back of his wardrobe that he didn’t mind getting muddy, not knowing what today inteled. 

Once dressed in dark slacks paired with a blazer and white shirt, he sat down for some toast to settle the hunger pains in his stomach. He spent the night tossing and turning before finally getting to sleep, not long before he was woken by his bedside alarm ringing. Phil decided to get up and walk around the kitchen hoping to distract him from his nervous and anxious thoughts.

When it was ready to leave his town house, he made his way to the bathroom to give himself a look over. Picking up the comb that was placed on the bathroom sink, he pulled it through his already waxed hair and inspected his teeth in the mirror, checking to see any crumbs still resided there. His black frames began to slide down his nose, catching them just before they hit the ground. Once done looking in the mirror, he plastered on a fake smile before letting out a long breath and frowning. 

Today would be fine, he thought to himself. He would only meet a couple of people and then he would get home to start working on the article. Phil held his shaky hands out in front of him and shook them out. Why was he letting his anxiety get the best of him? Maybe he wasn’t anxious and the sick feeling in his stomach was just excitement. He tried not to think about it. When it was time for him to leave, he picked up his bag and walked through the front door. 

When he drove across the barren fields, all he saw was wooden trailers. Some painted in bright colours that looked to be faded, acrylic now chipped off the once vibrant wood. His eyes lit up with familiarity as soon as they landed on the incredible red and yellow tent. It looked worn and old, like it wasn’t the same circus that he visited as a child, but the memories still came flooding back. 

He felt like he’d been transported back to that 12 years old boy. It looked a lot different in the daytime with nothing surrounding it. It still looked magical. He couldn't stop the giant grin from forming on his face as he leaned his head out of the car window. If he wasn’t careful he'd get a sore jaw from all the smiling.

He left his car to take a slow walk across the grass, he didn’t know how well his car would drive over the rest of the way, he didn’t want his wheels to dig up the beautiful green scenery choosing to continue by foot the rest of the way. Phil felt himself coming to a stop. Standing gazing at the tent for a few minutes, he felt the muscles in the back of his neck start to hurt and so decided it was best to make his way to find who he’s looking for. 

He couldn’t see anyone outside the tent, which wasn’t a surprise, it was still a couple months before the show opened. At least that’s what Mr Johnson heard from the man who ran this place.

Phil didn't understand where he was going, surrounding him were the many mobile homes. He did not know if he should approach one trailer? He decided against knocking on one door in case he woke someone, it was still early in when he left his house before the sun had risen. 

After strolling around the fields, he noticed an open slit in through the side of the tent, which he couldn’t knock on and so decided it would be fine to walk in. He walked with ambition towards the opening before spinning around and walking back, dramatically throwing his hands in the air. 

Just walk in Phil for heaven’s sake.

After passing back and forth for a couple minutes he used all his will power to push through the opening.  
He wasn’t greeted with a person, just stacks of white chairs. Accidentally, he bumped into them causing them to topple over forcefully. He stood watching as they fell to the ground, causing a loud thud. There wasn’t much he could do but wait till they were all down before trying to correct the mess he made. 

He looked down at the metal chairs on the floor before asking himself out loud. “Why am I like this?” He didn’t have time to bend down before he heard a voice coming from the back of the tent. 

“Um, what are you doing back here?” 

Phil stopped dead in his tracks. Why did it feel like that had happened before?

He quickly stood up right, hastily he turned around and searched for the person's voice. A figure was sat at a small bench hidden in the corner. Their feet were placed on top of a table with one leg crossing the other, a book placed in their lap. While approaching them, Phil moved his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat as to speak. 

Phil continued to walk across the tent seeing a young man was looking over at him. As he got closer, he could make out the man's features, they became sharper and more defined. He had a confused look on his face, eyebrows raised to his hairline. When Phil got a better look at his face the man looked very young, possibly even a teenager.

He was beautiful. 

His hair was longer than Phil’s, by at least a few inches. His hair was in shiny chestnut waves, some of it curled into ringlets that lay neatly against his forehead and neck. His eyes were a deep shade of brown, almost feminine in their appearance. The boy was wearing a shirt that had contrasted against his skin, unlike Phil’s that was a almost sickly pale colour. 

The brown eyed boy's bottom lip was significantly bigger than his top one that was nearly non-existent. He noticed he was well spoken and not to judge, but he was shocked hearing the man's true voice.

Phil looked down at what he was wearing somehow he still looked overdressed. He was hoping not to stand out too much, choosing to leave his hat in the car. Fortunately for him, he decided against wearing a tie today. Partly because It always made his neck itchy. 

Phil hadn't realised how long he’d been staring and he spoke in a rushed breath. “Um I’m sorry, my name’s Philip Lester.” He held his hand out towards the young man now only a couple feet away when he dashed forward. The boy hadn’t moved from the position he was found in, Phil shook his head and pulled his hand away awkwardly. “I’m from ‘The Lester Standard’. I was sent to write an article and interview the performers here.” 

The boy just stared back face void of any expression. He looked like he didn’t know that Phil would be here. "I was told to ask for Daniel?” He saw a teasing grin shot across the young man’s face. 

“Oh so you’re the Mr Lester that’s caused all the fuss around here?” Phil watched as the boy spoke, heavily placing the book on the table causing a loud bang. He pushed his chair back before he planted his feet firmly on the ground, yet still not making a move to actually stand. 

Phil put his hand out once again to shake the man's hand. “You can just call me Philip or Phil. Phil’s fine.” 

“Okay then, Phil.” The boy said, letting out a small laugh. 

Phil gently rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, waiting for the man to speak again and tell him where to find Daniel. But he just stared at Phil, his smile only wavering when he chuckled lightly. 

He wanted for this convocation to be over and find the man that was here to show him around. He spoke up for the last time, “Would you please point me in the direction to find him.” Phil let out in a sharp breath, he let himself blink after he stared at the man for too long.

The young man finally stood and brushed past Phil’s shoulder, causing him to stumble back slightly. “You're speaking to him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Please reblog on tumblr @secretstanner if you’d like. Thank you 😊


	3. Chapter 3

He stopped himself a few feet behind Phil, watching as he turned to follow Dan's sudden departure. He saw Phil’s eyes protrude from their sockets as he now realised the person he was there to meet, was talking to him the whole time, standing right in front of him. 

“You’re Daniel?” Phil questioned once he was facing Dan. The way he said it was like he was unsure to believe the words that had left Dan’s lips.

Dan gave a nod and placed his hands on his hips, awkwardly standing like that before he brought his arms up and crossed them over his chest, hoping Phil wouldn’t have noticed his insecure movements. 

Dan decided to hold his hand out for Phil to take this time, remembering it was rude not shaking his before. Phil glanced down at the outstretched palm before him, rushing to swap a worn leather notebook into his right hand, realising that Dan was offering a welcoming gesture for Phil to take. 

He had to stop the urge from rubbing his thumb back and forth across Phil's knuckles, in awe of how soft Phil’s hand felt. Immediately, Dan snapped his jaw tight before his thought came spilling out. 

“And you’re Mr Lester.” Dan said. Phil nodded before finally letting go of Dan’s hand and placing his book back into the opposite palm.

He missed the feeling of Phil's hand inside of his own, and Dan could feel his cheeks growing warm just from a simple handshake.

Phil let out a small laugh before replying once again, “and you’re Daniel.” 

Dan smiled brightly at him. “No,” He said and watched the grin fall from Phil’s face, dipping into a confused stare. He shook his head before continuing, “It's Dan. No one calls me Daniel. Well, not since I was a boy.”

Phil nodded in agreement. “My apologies, it’s good to finally meet you, Dan.”

He didn’t realise he was staring until Phil coughed politely. “Oh yes, nice to meet you as well. Um… what was it that you wanted to talk about today?” He questioned and shook his head, trying to let go of intrusive thoughts. 

“You read the letter, correct? I was wondering if it would be okay to have a quick walk around and meet some of the entertainers before talking to anyone for the article. If that’s alright with you?” 

Just before Dan had time to reply, Phil let out an excited shout. “We haven’t had an attraction like this in many years.” He saw him suddenly look away, probably realising how loud he spoke. 

Dan shifted his body weight and cleared his throat to speak clearer. “Yes, I remember from the letter.” He lifted his hand to brush away the waves that had fallen into his eyes, wrapping the ringlet around his finger and pulling it down, feeling as it bounced back into place. This was something he did when he was nervous. 

“That’s perfectly fine, I think that’s probably for the best, anyway. Do you know how long you will be here for?” 

“I want to stay as long as possible.” Shaking his head, Phil tried to fix what he said.“What I meant to say was that if it’s possible to stay to get as much information and knowledge about how this place runs, then I will gladly do so. I thought getting to know you all and watching you perform could be the best way to get said information.” 

Dan was trying his best not to show any signs of hearing that Phil might be here for a while made him feel something deep in the bottom of his stomach, even if the fear was still there. “Well we will be here throughout spring preparing for the summer opening. I’m sure you will acquire enough information to get your article done in that time frame.” At this, he saw excitement in the form of a toothy grin. 

God, Phil looked cute with his tongue trapped between his teeth, he thought. He was almost scared the raven haired man would bite it off. 

“Dan that would be just perfect.” 

He gave Phil a curt nod, quickly clapping his hands together which caused a loud noise to echo through the barren room.

“So Phil, where to first?” 

“Well, I was wondering if it would be okay to have a tour around the grounds. I would love to do some interviews but I don’t want to rush everything today if we have all summer to do so.” Dan felt the bubbly feeling again when he heard Phil say that he’ll be around all summer. They often had people stay for short periods of time to help build the set, but then they would move on once they were at their desired destination. 

Maybe they could even be friends? Dan, this man isn’t here to be your friend, he told himself. It would be easier that way. He knew in the past that getting too attached only hurt when it came time for them to leave. 

“That’s fine.” Dan was ready to walk away when he realised that Phil was standing in the same spot. Turning to look at him, he signalled for the reporter to follow him. “Are you coming, Philip?” 

Phil stumbled his way over to where Dan was standing. 

“Sorry.” 

“It’s no problem.” He waved him off. “So let’s start with where we are standing. This is the main tent as you might have guessed,” he said with a small laugh, “you probably won’t see it like this for much longer. Soon the equipment will be arriving here so we can start training and practicing.” Dan could see Phil looking around, inspecting everything in close detail. The tent was damaged, but they’d done so much patch work to cover up tears from over the years, he hoped that he wouldn’t be able to tell. 

Dan saw his eyes light up. “It looks so different in the day, without lights and stage.” He stated, rushing out in one breath and turning to look Dan in the eyes. He was shocked to see how bright Phil’s eyes were. 

Breathtaking was all he could think. He caught his own eyes flicking back and forth between the blue-green irises. Dan quickly looked away before he embarrassed himself, what would this man think of him. 

Dan flicked his eyes rapidly around the tent. When did Phil get so close to him?

“How long does it take to set this tent up?” Hearing Phil’s question, he looked back at him. 

“Is this part of the article? I’m just asking because if it is I’ll try to go into as much detail as possible. But if you-”

“No this isn’t part of the article, I have had a fascination with all of this since I was young. Most of these questions today are just for me. I hope that’s okay with you?” Dan watched Phil look away nervously. 

Dan looked at Phil in wonder. He noted that Phil seemed like he was scared of Dan's judgement. “Phil,” Dan gave him a smile. “Whatever you want to know I don’t mind, I’ll give you all the behind-the-scenes details.” Phil’s mouth dropped open slightly, he was acting like a child and not like the grown man that first walked in here. It was refreshing. 

Phil soon stood up straight and said, “That would be very nice of you.” Pushing his glasses once again up the bridge of his nose, trying to conceal the ever growing beam across his face.

“To put up the tent, it takes about a day with the people who work on building the sets. It’s a lot of heavy lifting and we try to take breaks while setting up. As for everything inside, that takes a little longer but this will be mostly clear for now. You said that you would want to be around to see us practicing?”

Phil rushed to say, “Oh yes, it’s more for me than for the newspaper if I’m being honest!” And looked down at his shoe, dragging the tip across the gravelled floor. Looking back up at Dan, he questioned. "What is your act?” Dan could see him not so discreetly looking at his body up and down, probably trying to guess. 

Dan coughed. “Um...I don't have an act any—“ He stopped himself before continuing. “I just work here behind the scenes. I help around with bits here and there, mostly helping the performers on the nights we open. Getting people in costumes, things like that. If anyone has a problem, I make sure everyone can tell me. We’re a family here, so if there’s anything I can do, even if it’s helping a 76-year-old Margret put on her under garments-” 

Phil stared back at Dan slightly shocked. Before whispering, “Really?” 

Dan doubled over in a fit of giggles. “No, that was a joke.” 

Phil let out a burst of laughter. “Oh, I knew that.” 

“How many performers do you have working here?”

“We have 17 performers, some have multiple talents and perform in more than one act on any given night. That might not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but I can assure you that they can entertain a whole crowd. No one will leave feeling disappointed!” Dan couldn’t help how fast the words came out.

“Oh, yes I’m sure they are very talented, I didn’t mean for that to sound like I was-“

“Phil that was my fault. We don’t have as many performers as we did, once upon a time, but we’re still here. We still love what we do when we are—they, sorry. They still love what they do when they’re in front of a crowd.” Dan's eyes were now bulging out. He really needed to shut his mouth. “I really am sorry, were under a lot of stress and I don’t want to say the wrong thing because if-“

“Dan,” Phil interrupted him, “This isn’t an interview, okay? I genuinely love the circus. You can’t believe how excited I am to be here, but right now there’s no pressure.” 

Dan swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thank you. Are you ready to see more?” He was feeling overwhelmed and needed some fresh air. He didn’t listen to Phils reply before he turned walking away to leave the tent. 

————————————————————————

Phil was watching where Daniel was going. He saw him walk past the pile of chairs that were still a misplaced mess on the floor.

Dan turned around.“Are you coming, Philip?” He asked. 

He hurried to catch up with Dan. “Wait Daniel!” He called out, making Dan come to a stop. "What about the—“ Phil gestured to the mess on the floor. Dan just smirked and carried on walking, acting as if the pile of chairs weren’t there. Phil walked past them and ran so he was finally catching up with the boy.

“My name is Dan to tell you again, I don’t let people call me Daniel.” Phil turned to look at Dan's face who was staring straight ahead. “Oh okay sorry, Dan. You can call me Phil too.” 

Dan just turned and smirked at the reporter. "Okay, Phil two.” 

Phil followed Dan as they walked from the slit in the side of the tent. “I should let you know beforehand that I don’t know how much information you will get from the people here.” Dan confessed with a sigh. “Who is it you will want to talk to?” 

Phil understood why the people wouldn’t want to talk to him about their life, considering what Phil was here to do, really hear to do, even though they didn’t know his true intentions. 

“I completely understand and I’ll try my best to make sure I won’t step over the line. If anyone has any boundaries then I would prefer to know beforehand to not cause any offence.” Phil said, even though he really meant it he knew part of what he was saying was a lie. He was here to get information, that’s if he could go through with it.

“And everyone if that’s possible. I want to know everything about this place, even from the people who don’t perform and just work behind the scenes. I do completely understand it can’t be easy, I’m a complete stranger after all. Hopefully once they get to know me from being around long enough, then they will find it easier to talk to me.” 

Dan was staring back at him. Phil looked at Dan nervously, raising his hand to push down his perfectly slicked back hair. “What is it?” Dan looked away and laughed. “Nothing, you’re just not what I had expected, that’s all.” 

Phil halted and looked down at the notebook in his hand. “Oh, sorry.” He looked up to see Dan walk back towards him, it seemed like he noticed Phil was no longer walking with him.

Dan was staring at him with a questioning look. “What did you say? Why are you apologising?” Phil bit his lip as he watched Dan stare back. 

Phil had to say something. “I’m sorry I’m not what you thought that you were getting,” He looked down at himself. “I can assure you that I can write and I do have experience. Just give me a chance to prov—“ 

“Wait wait, I didn’t mean that as a bad thing, Phil. If anything, I meant it in the complete opposite way. You don’t look or act like any reporter I’ve ever come in contact with before, and that’s a good thing. Talking to you has given me reassurance that I can maybe trust you, no offence, of course I don’t know you very well. But you telling me that you respect our boundaries, well that’s more than I could hope for.” He watched as Dan moved his hands through his curls, his fingers trying to brush through the nots. 

“I hope I didn’t offend you. I’m sorry if—“ Phil had to stop this. “Dan, I jumped the gun, I’m used to peo—“ He closed his eyes tight as he could, before he felt warm hands on his shoulders. He opened his eyes to see Dan staring intently in front of him. 

“Are you okay?” He asked and Phil just nodded, letting out a breath before laughing. 

He saw Dan turning his head to look around them. “I was going to take you to the dining tent, that’s where everyone hangs out for breakfast.” Dan removed his hands and let them fall back into place against his sides. “But if you’d prefer, would you like to come back to my trailer?” 

Phil couldn’t contain his omediate thoughts as he watched Dan's eyebrows crease his forehead. 

“For tea!” Dan shouted. “I meant for some tea, the tent can get quite busy and overwhelming. I was just trying to— never mind, it’s fine. Let’s just go.” He caught Dan's arm before he could walk away. 

Dan looked back at Phil questioningly. “Dan, that would be a really big help if I’m being honest. I didn’t mean to freak out about what you said. I’m just tired, I didn't get much sleep you see, so some tea before we go meet everyone sounds like heaven.” 

He watched as Dan's shoulders dropped in relief. “Oh thank god! Um, right so it’s this way.” Phil followed Dan through the grass. This was going to be a long day, but he really didn’t mind it so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing well. I haven't had much chance to write this week. Having nothing on my mind except animal crossing. I’ve never been more in-love with a game as much as this one. I had my 24th birthday on Tuesday which is weird! 
> 
> Anyway I’m going to try and stay off AC today and actually start working on some more chapters.
> 
> Come back next week for more!!


	4. Chapter 4

As the pair walked across towards Dan’s trailer, Dan cursed himself. Not only had he upset Phil in the first 20 minutes of meeting, oh no, he also embarrassed himself by asking the man back to his bedroom. For tea he did later add, only when he saw the look on Phil’s face, realising it could've meant an entirely different scenario. 

But now they began their slow walk away from the tent where they had first met. Dan should say something, but he just couldn’t come up with anything to say. Why did he have to be so socially awkward? Any other given day, people would tell him to please stop talking so they could get things done. Sometimes he just didn’t like the silence in his own head, it always led to over thinking and unwanted emotions. 

Thankfully, they were near Dan’s trailer. It wasn’t painted like the others, still dressed in the original mahogany wood his parents purchased it in. Dan gestured to it, “It's right up here.” He quickly searched his pocket for his key just in case he had locked it when leaving, but he couldn’t remember if he did or didn’t this morning. He found his key and walked up the small steps to open the door. He pushed the handle down, noting it was open. 

He slowly pushed the door and turned to see if Phil was following him, but noted that when he turned, Phil was in such close proximity. They almost head butted one another when Phil walked up the stairs to follow him in and saw the shock on Phil’s face as he jumped back in order to not knock Dan, causing him to fall a couple feet onto the solid ground with a huff. 

Dan's hands flew up, covering his mouth in horror. Why did he wake up this morning? If he carried on this way he was going to be looking at assault charges. 

“Phil! Are you okay? I didn’t realise you were so close.” 

Phil looked up at him. His once perfectly gelled quiff now had a strip of hair falling into his eyes. Dan was about to come down to help him when Phil burst out in laughter, grabbing his stomach and the grass under him with his fist. It wasn’t long before Dan was doing the same, sinking down to the steps outside the door and falling backwards into the trailer, shouting while tears slid down his cheeks. 

Dan finally sat forward to see Phil, who was still sitting on the floor letting out little content sighs. They looked at each other before Dan stuck out his hand for Phil to grab. 

And no, it wasn’t because he wanted to hold his hand again. He had just assaulted the man, and it was the very least he could do. Okay, maybe he wanted to hold his hand. 

“Here,” Dan offered, waiting for Phil to grab hold. Phil wasn’t the most gracious when trying to stand and so he almost made Dan topple out of the trailer. 

“Oh, you are so heavy!” Dan teased as he got Phil to his feet. 

“Yes, welI I wouldn’t have needed you to help me if you didn’t stop so abruptly.” There was no malice in his voice, only humour.

“Well you didn’t need to sneak up on a bitch!” Dan placed his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes, quickly muttering an “excuse me” from behind his fingers. Phil didn’t look like the type that would be effing and blinding for no reason. Dan had been told he’s got a mouth like a sailor. 

As he opened his eyes, he could see Phil smiling while making his way through the door. “It's quite alright, Dan. You don’t have to act differently around me, I won’t be offended.”

Dan let out a huff of breath and relaxed. “Are you okay though? Turn around, let me see.” 

Phil just looked back slowly at the demand. “Let you see what?” 

“Your bum, Phil. Just turn around.” He could see the confusion as he slowly turned to face away from Dan. 

“Yep, dirt and grass all over your backside. Wait a minute, I’ll grab you a cloth. I won’t have you sitting on any of my furniture while covered in muck.” He showed Phil that it was partly a joke as he placed the rag in his hand. “Right you go do that and I’ll make the tea.” 

When Phil stepped back through the door he asked, “Better now?” 

Dan just looked up from the pot of tea and looked at him while holding his hand out, gesturing for him to spin around. “Much better.” 

Phil turned back to Dan and fiddled with the rag, unsure of where he should put it. “Pass it here, I’ll just put it in my washing bag.” Dan could see Phil standing staring at him awkwardly. 

Oh! He didn’t tell him he could sit. Dan stood back and looked around his tiny mobile home. “Sorry I have little space, you can just take a seat there.” he announced while moving some clean clothes and placing them under his bed. 

He watched as Phil sat down on the not so new fabric stool while placing his hands in his lap. “You still want tea, yes Phil?” Phil turned his head back to him. He caught Phil having a look around, not that there was much to look at. “Yes, thank you.” Dan asked how many sugars he would like and was shocked by the number. He placed the cup and mismatched saucer in Phil's hand.

“I’ll try not to drop it,” Phil smiled thankfully. 

“Yes you better bloody not. Do I look like I can afford to go spend money on such fine china?” At that, Phil laughed in response. 

They both sat in silence, carefully blowing their hot cups of tea. How could they go from laughing and joking moments ago to barely looking at each other? Dan guessed it was because Phil could start asking him questions any minute and he knew he’d end up telling him anything and everything, if the gentleman asked. Dan needed to say something. He let out a shaky breath. 

“How long have yo—“

“How old are—“

They both spoke at the same time. 

“Sorry sorry, you go first.” Dan offered, gesturing with his hand for the man to proceed. 

Phil shook his head, “It’s not important. I can ask you later, please carry on.” He watched as Phil placed his tea in his lap to listen intently to Dan’s question. 

“It’s not important either, I was just going to ask about your job.” Dan watched as Phil suddenly shook, almost tipping some tea onto his legs. He saw Phil shakely place the cup back onto the side and noted that he was nervous. 

“I was just going to ask how long you have worked as a newspaper journalist or reporter? Sorry, I don’t quite know your job title.” Dan saw as the question brought back a smile to Phil’s face.

“I don’t mind answering questions, Dan. After all, I'll be doing the same at some point.” Smiling cutely, he continued. “I’m not a reporter, I’m a writer slash journalist. I rarely leave my workplace to do jobs like this. Most of the stories I write on aren’t as big as this, usually a Good Samaritan helping a kitten out of a tree. That sort of thing.” 

“I work for my father, you see.” Dan nodded along, remembering that he read that in the letter. “I’ve worked there officially for just over a year. I've been an intern while I was studying at university for a few years. Mostly to improve my skills and I would end up working there anyway. I always found it helped my school work progress.” He looked back to Dan when he answered his question, giving him a small smile. 

So this man not only was the son of the most popular newspaper in Manchester, but he was also university educated. He knew that he could get a job and not have to go to school.

Dan braved another question. “What did you study?” 

“I have a master’s degree in English language and studied Linguistics.” Dan's mouth dropped open slightly, he pressed his cup to his mouth and galloped down more tea, willing himself not to choke on how fast he took the sip. Dan couldn’t believe in the idea of wanting to study at university. Maybe if he was giving a better chance in life then he might have gone. 

No, who’s he trying to fool? He would have quit for certain. 

He placed his cup next to Phil when he finished the last drop. Dan looked back to him and asked, “What were you going to ask me?” He was slightly scared and didn’t know why he was inviting Phil to bombard him with questions but he did it anyway. The reason was because he simply enjoyed hearing his voice. 

Phil locked eyes with Dan while inquiring, “How old are you? I hope not to offend, it’s— you look young is all. Are you still in your teenage years?” He looked to see that Phil’s notebook was still bound by an elastic band and sat neatly in his lap. So this was not for an interview, he was just genuinely curious. 

Dan smiled after his question. Everyone thought that he was still a teenager, he couldn’t help having a baby face. It was the damn dimples and he knew it. “I turn 20 years old this summer. And I’m not offended.”

Phil let out a gentle laugh. “I am glad that I didn’t offend, but that’s still very young. Have you worked here for long?” Dan swallowed. He couldn’t do this, at least not yet. If he was to open himself up to Phil but it wouldn’t be now. He shot up off of his bed and turned to the door, looking back at Phil who rapidly blinked in surprise. “If it’s quite alright with you, do you mind if we meet some others? I don’t want you to waste your time drinking tea with me when you're supposed to be working.” 

Phil stood up from the stool. “Of course not, Dan. Even though I’m working, I do appreciate the tea and—.” Dan watched as Phil let out a breath before finishing. “you’re not wasting my time, Dan.” Smiling, he moved to follow him. 

————————————————————————

Phil was standing next to Dan's trailer, waiting for him to walk down the steps. He was glad that Dan asked to have tea with him and out the way of other people. He thought back to Dan’s words earlier that day and he didn’t know why he took them so harshly, he could tell there was no malice in the voice, but they still hurt. Not because Dan was the one to say them, but because he’s heard them all before. His boss, colleagues and his friends and family members. 

Not all of them meant it to be so cutting. Not the people he loved, he knew they cared but people expected too much from him sometimes. The ones that expected him to one day run the newspaper company, whatever that meant. The ones that expected him to go out and meet beautiful women he’d never see again, get married to a sweet girl that would have his children. That’s not what he wished for his life, but he was used to doing what everyone else wanted him to do. After all, that’s what brought him here. 

He’s calmed down a lot from the tea and little conversation he had with Dan - it helped soothe his mind. When Phil fell off the steps and had giggled like school children, he felt like he had known Dan his whole life. They got on well and he hoped that they would only grow closer. He thought Dan was funny and that maybe it would make this interview process a lot less dreadful. No, that was a luxury that he would not have. It will be more dreadful when Phil breaks his trust. 

Once Dan was ready, they began walking past a few more of the huts, finally reaching a big white open tent. Phil was feeling stressed, he could see everyone sitting around tables and chairs, talking amongst themselves. Taking a deep breath he looked over to Dan, not noticing that Dan was also watching him as he smiled. 

“It’s really okay Phil, they’re just as scared as you are. They’re not bad people, they will give you a chance. Just don’t take that for granted, okay?” Phil nodded, taking deep breaths. He was already feeling himself becoming more lightweight from Dan’s words. 

“If you need me too, I can go first I’ll say that you will be in but it’s just to meet people nothing more than that. Would you like that?” 

“Yes, thank you, Dan.” 

Phil stood back and saw the curly haired boy walk around to a couple of tables. He couldn’t hear them talking but he saw as they looked back to see where Dan was pointing to. They didn’t do much but nod their heads. At the last table Dan was at, he sat down rather than hover over like the others. Phil watched curiously to see Dan with a young girl probably the same age as him,as well as sharing very similar looks. 

Siblings, maybe? 

Dan turned around and smiled, waving him over by lifting his hand. Phil took a deep breath and smoothed down his clothes. 

Oh crap, he forgot his book! Never mind, he didn’t need it. He was just going to greet some people today. Nothing more, no pressure. He saw Dan turn his head back to him again watching Phil before mouthing, “you okay?” Phil shot him a smile before building the courage to move his legs in Dan’s direction. 

Phil approached the worn bench to see an exquisite older woman sitting on it. Before he opened his mouth to speak, Dan spoke for him. “This is Mr Lester.”

He was thankful for Dan because he didn’t know if he could actually say that himself. He stuck out his hand to shake everyone else’s, the first being the older lady that Phil learnt who’s name was Dorthy. She had a French accent, Phil thought, although he wasn’t great with accents so he could be wrong. “It’s lovely to meet you, ma’am.” He then moved to the girl seated next to Dan. He once again placed his hand in front of her and asked for her name. 

“Hazel, Mr Lester.” Her smile showed her teeth that looked stark white paired with her cherry lips. 

“Phil.” he answered her. He then moved to the last person sitting at the table holding out his hand, Dan stared before shaking Phil’s hand and laughed, looking down. 

“For god’s sake Phil, just sit down.” Phil laughed, not knowing why he shook Dan’s hand. He took a seat carefully next to where Dorthy was sitting, she had just moved away to get them a drink each. Phil was fine with some water, he had just drank the tea back in Dan’s home and didn’t feel like drinking anymore. 

Phil felt very comfortable sitting with these people, so far he had nothing but a warm welcome. He could feel eyes glued to him but he darted his eyes away from Dan who was seated across from him. The girl, Hazel, had her head lent against Dan’s shoulder, sending Phil gentle smiles of reassurance. He appreciated that. He watched as Dan played with something sitting on the table. It looked to be a lighter, but he wasn’t lighting it, just spinning it up and down and tapping it on the wood. 

When he noticed Phil watching, he whispered a “sorry” and placed it back down onto the table. “It’s fine, Dan.” He felt the seat next to him jolt and Dorthy was back with the drinks. Phil didn’t talk much, only answering questions here and there when asked, but he mostly watched as they talked between themselves. He didn’t feel like he shouldn’t be here. He felt like he fit in snickering every time Dan said something stupid, causing the table to shake due to their laughter. He asked Hazel about her act and she said that she was an Aerial performer and acrobat. Phil mentioned that was one of his favourite things to watch when he visited a circus years back. Dan says it’s something that brings many people in, apparently Hazel was quite the star. 

Phil didn’t realise the time until he pulled his watch out of his jacket. “Oh gosh is that the time?” Somehow they all sat talking about nothing for over three hours. Phil had planned to have a late lunch with his mother and father, but he still had more people to meet. A couple people come up to the table and introduce themselves saying a quick hello before retreating away to do other things with their day. Phil would stay here all day if he could, but soon he would have to get back. He had a few things to do before he met his parents: he still hadn’t tidied away his mess from this morning, he had to get dressed and take a car to the restaurant. Part of him wished he could just pretend he forgot, but they wanted to talk to him about something ‘important’. Those were their words, not Phil’s. 

Before leaving he said goodbye to Dorthy and Hazel and apologised for the rush, though they didn’t seem to mind. Phil promised to be back tomorrow, thankfully not so early and he still needed to pick up his black book from Dan’s room. They took a small walk back across the green. 

“So? How was that?” Dan asked, turning his head to face Phil as they walked back. Phil couldn’t stop smiling and Dan must have noticed, he cleared his throat and replied in a very monotone voice.

“Yes, that was a very productive first day.” He laughed when he felt Dan shove his arm. “Fine, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. They seem great, Dorthy seems lovely,” He turned his face to look at Dan, wanting to see his reaction. “and Hazel…” 

Dan flicked his eyes to Phil’s, sending a questioning look. Phil would not say, but he thought Dan knew what he was asking. When they arrived at Dan’s trailer, Phil waited outside knowing that if he went inside, he probably wouldn’t end up leaving in time.

He watched as Dan stepped inside to retrieve the notebook. “Where did you leave your car?” Dan questioned, walking down the steps and holding the black book out to Phil. He took it and pointed in a few different directions, Dan just laughed, “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.” Phil would get so much exercise from walking around this field from day to day. 

It didn’t take long for Dan to spot the abandoned vehicle and he walked him to the door, watching as Phil unlocked the car with his key. Dan quickly grabbed the handle, opening the driver’s door for him, Phil thanked him and climbed in. Once inside, Dan closed the door, resting his arms on the open window ledge.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Dan asked hopefully while biting the skin on his lip. Phil nodded, “I’ll be a little late tomorrow if that’s fine with you?” 

“Yes, that’s perfect, I can have a late sleep in.” Dan pushed his body away from the car and turned to walking back the way they had come. Phil sat and watched as Dan turned around, catching Phil staring at him. 

“Bye, Phil.” He saw Dan raise his hand, moving his fingers to signal a wave. He kept walking backwards, smiling and then turned away. Phil sat there until he saw Dan’s figure disappear into his trailer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m a little late. But here’s the chapter. I had somethings to go over before it was ready. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Next chapter we will see more of Jack and a new character. See you next week


	5. Chapter 5

Thankfully, Phil made it back to his house in time and was just about to open his front door when he felt something brush against his ankle. He looked down and saw it was the stray cat he would put out food for. 

He bent down and looked inside the shopping bag he had in his arms. “Hi Mister Paws, I got you some salmon today. Does that sound nice?” He got a reply in the form of a long and loud meow. “Okay, okay wait a minute, it’s all the way at the bottom. Ah found it!” Phil pulled it out, placing the small tin on the concrete floor. 

“Okay Mister Paws, wait a minute and I’ll open it.” He lent his bag against the door and opened the tin for the cat. 

The cat meowed again and Phil smoothed down his back while he ate the fish. He was all grubby and didn’t feel nice to touch, but Phil didn’t care. He loved the cat, even if he was allergic and couldn’t bring him inside for very long. Paws didn’t seem to mind. From what he saw the cat enjoyed living outside, he would come to Phil house for a cuddle and food on most days. When it was sunny, Phil would catch him sunbathing on his outside trellis. 

He would be running late if he spent any longer petting the feline. He spoke to the cat again. “Okay now Mister Paws I have to go and I won’t be back for a few more hours. I’ve left the kitchen window open if you need any water.” Why was he talking to the cat like he understood? 

Maybe because Phil was lonely. 

He made his way inside, placing the groceries on his kitchen table. Putting away the new food he had picked up, he worked on cleaning his used dishes. 

-

Phil got out of the bath wrapped in three big fluffy towels. He didn’t care if he lived alone, he enjoyed having three. Walking over to his wardrobe, he found a black dress suit that he kept hidden at the back, pressed between a thick wool coat and a pair of slacks that were a size too small for him. It was uncomfortable in areas and he would only wear it when the occasion called for it. Phil placed the suit on the bed and dried himself before getting dressed and doing his hair. 

-

He didn’t drive to the restaurant, assuming he would be drinking and would much prefer to be driven home by a driver. Once Phil pulled up outside of the restaurant, he handed over a tip. 

Phil walked in and saw the restaurant host, Colin, who already knew who he was and took him straight to the table where his mother and father were seated. They both stood up slightly, Phil's father shook his hand while his mother walked around the table to greet him with a hug and a quick peck to the cheek. Phil moved back to the seat across from them, as a waiter placed a napkin on his lap. He also hated that and could perfectly do it himself. 

Phil gave the waiter his drinks order and made small talk with his parents. “How was your day mother?” He asked while looking to face her. 

“Thank you for asking, child. I’ve had quite the busy morning, haven't I, Nigel? While your father was at work today, I kept myself busy by baking some treats, which reminds me. I have some for you.” She eyed under the table to signal to Phil where they were hidden. She raised her finger to her mouth and shh’d him, “I had to sneak them in so don’t tell anyone.” 

He let out a small laugh before saying, “Thank you, Mother.” 

Unfortunately, his father brought up work, a subject that he was dreading. Nigel cleared his throat and gave his son a stern look. “Johnson told me you were writing a piece for the paper. Care to tell me about it?” He questioned while taking a sip of his beverage. 

“Oh dear, isn’t that wonderful?” Phil’s mother hurried, almost interrupting Phil, moving her body to show him she had her full attention as she whipped her hands against the cloth that was once resting against her thighs. 

“Well I was told that we have a new attraction starting soon, a circus flyer had been found out in town. I was asked if I could go meet with them, see how they live and write about the show.” 

His mother dropped the napkin she was holding. Phil watched as it slid from between her fingers and fell to the tiled floor. “Oh.” she muttered and he watched as she bent down to pick up the cloth, moving it onto an empty plate beside her. 

“Do you know when they will open?” His mother wasn't looking him in the eyes any longer, choosing to take a slip for her wine glass. 

His father was no longer listening, having pulled out his reading glasses and looking at the paper in his hand. 

He watched his mother become flustered before he answered her question. “Umm, not for a couple months yet.”

Phil's mum didn’t contribute to the conversation, instead she lent across the table to Phil and swiped her thumb against his mouth to wipe away something from his face. “Mother,” he started, looking around feeling like he was a small child again. 

She replied with a sorry as Phil cleared his throat. “Can we order food now?” Wondering why they hadn't brought any food menus. 

“Not yet we’re waiting for someone to join us.” Phil’s father answered, peering up over the top of his newspaper and looking at Phil, before they drifted to the door.

“Who?” He wondered, looking at his mother quizzically. 

“Well you know my old friend Anne,” Phil nodded signaling for her to continue. “Well, her daughter is in Manchester after spending a few years in London and she’s looking to move back.” She flicked her eyes to his.

He let out a short sigh, not liking where this was going.

“When I heard Rosie was in Manchester, I said she should come join us for dinner when she was free. You two are both around the same age, Anne and I thought you two would get on well together.” He noticed a hopeful smile on her face. 

All Phil could do was swallow and nod his head. 

They didn’t have to wait long until the beautiful blonde walked in and Phil turned around to the entrance as soon as he heard heels hitting the marbled floor. He stood up to meet the young lady as did his parents, shaking her hand and greeting her. 

She was dressed in a knee length polka dot dress with long sleeves covering her upper arms. Her hair was neatly pulled back away from her face in perfect finger waves, accompanied by a hat covering most of her golden locks. She removed her gloves and placed her bag down after Mr Lester kissed her hand, seating herself in the chair perfectly placed next to Phil’s.

He introduced himself to her, remembering what his mother had already said her name. “Nice to meet you, Rosie, I’m Philip.” Not wanting the young woman to call him Phil just yet.

She bowed her head slightly, smiling. “It’s lovely to meet you, Philip. Your mother has told me an awful lot about you. You are more handsome than she had led me to believe.” 

Phil coughed knowing that his mother would be that forward, he had just wished she would have given him a warning beforehand. If he had known, he wouldn’t have come, and maybe that’s why she didn’t tell him. 

“Thank you, um — you too.. I mean no, no not you aren’t.. you aren’t handsome.” Oh god, where was he going with this? He looked up at her to see her eyebrows creased and a frown growing on her face. 

Sighing, he restarted. “What I meant was you are beautiful too.” Had he ruined their ‘friendship’ before it had started? Luckily, Rosie laughed and grabbed Phil’s arm, patting him a couple times. 

“It’s alright, Philip. I understand completely.” Smiling beautifully at him before she turned to start talking to his parents. 

Phil was miles away when he heard his mother speaking to him, “Hmm? Sorry what was that mother?” He looked around the table to see all the bodies watching him, waiting for a reply. “I was saying to Roise that The Palace Theatre has an amazing show on at the moment and…”

Oh. “Oh yes,” he turned his body towards the blonde. He looked back at his mother watching her give him a reassuring nod, turning once again to face Roise and asking, “Would you be interested in letting me take you out to The Theatre?” 

Roise nodded before grabbing his hand. “Why yes, of course that sounds just wonderful, Philip. I must say I will go back to London in a few days to sort out some important things back there. But when I’m back, I would absolutely love to. That is if you don’t mind the wait?” 

He turned to see his father smiling at him holding up his hand and giving him a thumbs up, while his mother was silently clapping her hands together in excitement. He never felt so forced into a situation he wasn’t prepared for. 

Looking back at Rosie, he smiled a smile that had not quite reached his eyes. “Of course, I’ll wait for you.” 

-

Phil was having a pleasant afternoon with his parents and a new friend. He had come to see that Rosie was actually a very fun person to be around: she wasn’t like the many girls he’d had to get to know before, she wasn’t stuck up and prissy like the others and was very funny and charming. If anything, he thought that he could at least have an amazing friendship with the girl.

Phil might have drank a bit too much throughout the meal, not eating very much. His cheeks felt like they were on fire and and he thought must have been a deep shade of magenta. 

As he got to know Rosie, she told him about her future move back from London and how she missed home, deciding to come back before she made new plans for her future. When she left to use the bathroom, Phil looked up to see his parents watching him.

“Why are you two staring at me?” Phil moved his napkin to his mouth and wiped the non-existent food off of his lips. He looked back up to see if that had been the problem. 

His mother giggled lightly. “Stop being so silly, Philip. There’s nothing on your mouth.” She paused before opening her mouth to speak once again. He saw her moving her head to see Roise coming back into the room and over to the table. “We’ll speak about this later, Phil. Now eat your vegetables.” 

————————————————————————

It was after dark when Dan walked to Jack’s trailer, with it being an overly cloudy night there wasn’t much light from the moon. He was having trouble seeing in front of him and when he walked into something hanging in the air, he yelped and tried to spin his body around to run away. He had gotten tangled in something. He knew it was a bad idea not to bring a torch with him, but he had forgotten where he left it and braved the night sky. 

Dan was deathly scared of the dark and open fields, he was still fighting to free himself when he felt a hand grab his arm pulling him backwards, he let out a curdling scream. The motion was stopped by a hand covering his mouth, mumbling his cries.

“Help!” He tried to scream.

“Dan! Dan shut up! It’s me, crazy. It’s me.” Dan stopped struggling and relaxed his body in the arms of the person behind him. When he stopped screaming, the person let go of him and maneuvered his body towards them. Dan turned to see Jack looking at him like he had escaped a loony bin. 

“What the hell are you doing out here? What were you doing in the dark?” Dan just threw up his fists and hit Jack in the chest. 

“Ow, I was coming to your room, you big dummy.” Jack growled out and moved his body out of Dan’s reach.

“Well, why the hell did you grab me? You know I’m scared of the dark. Stop laughing!” 

“I heard you while I was going to the trailer. Dan, you were making noises and I thought someone was being murdered. I came and found you caught in hanging clothes.” 

Jack brought a light with him and Dan could now see the wire stretched above his head, dripping wet clothes pinned to the rope. “Yes, well I didn’t know, I couldn’t see.” 

He looked to see a sock was still resting on his shoulder and grabbed it, throwing it to the ground, before moving toward Jack's trailer. He turned around to see Jack picking up the abandoned clothing left on the dewy grass and Dan lifted his arms in the air to shout, “Come on!” He spun back and listened out to hear Jack’s heavy footsteps as he ran to catch up with the brunette boy. 

-

Dan threw the door open, not caring that it hit Jack as they both made their way in Jack’s trailer.

“Ow! What’s wrong with you today?” 

Dan threw his body dramatically onto the bed, placing the back of his hand to his forehead before sighing. 

“Why is my life so hard?” 

“Dan stop being so bloody dramatic, what is it that could have prompted this midnight chat?” Dan heard Jack moving around his trailer, hearing the wooded seat creak as he sat down on a bench next to the bed. 

“I met with Mr Lester today,” He waited for Jack to say something but he gave nothing but silence. Dan grabbed one of the plush pillows off the bed, held it to his mouth and screamed. Jack just watched and laughed, trying to pull the pillow from Dan's face. “Wow is he really that good looking?” 

Dan threw the pillow down by his feet and confessed. “Devastatingly so!” he sat up to look over at Jack seated at the bench. “Speaking of, where have you been? Why weren’t you sleeping?” Dan now moved his body to lie on his side, resting his cheek in his hand in interest. “Sneaking in I see.” Dan raised his eyebrow, noting that Jack was still fully dressed in his day clothes. 

“I wasn’t sneaking in, I have no shame.” Dan nodded his head. “Huh, how was she?” Jack groaned at Dan’s comment which caused him to laugh loudly. “Oh that good!” 

“Dan please stop talking! I’m sure I already have a hangover and I haven't been to bed yet, so move over you big lump.” He made space for Jack to lie with him, Jack threading his arm under Dan's head. At first glance, you’d think that Jack was some big scary Alpha. He was tall and covered in tattoos, but he was the biggest softy Dan knew. He always let Dan cry on his shoulder whenever he thought about his parents, listened to his latest crush and smoothed his hair when Dan would spill his deepest secrets. 

“So, you going to tell me about this Mr Lester?” Jack prompted after 10 minutes of silence. Dan thought he had fallen asleep. Turning his head to look at Jack, his eyes were closed and a cheeky smile was plastered across his face. 

He moved his body to lay his head on Jack’s chest. “What about him?” Dan replied, focusing on fidgeting with Jack’s shirt button. Jack slapped Dan’s hand away and continued to play with his wavy locks. Sighing, he tried to prop the younger boy. “What did you two do today? What is he like? Did he meet with anyone? Take your pick.” 

Dan huffed, “Yeah, yeah. What you’re asking is what he looks like, right? Well, he’s almost as tall as me, he was way too overdressed. You should have seen him in his suit.”

When Dan first saw Phil walk in, or rather stumble in, he couldn’t believe his luck. He was sitting there, forcing himself to read a book and trying to keep his mind off the person who would come into their safe space and ask them for information. But when his eyes landed on the tall ebony haired gentlemen that came tumbling through the tent, all the stress he had a day before had melted away. 

Dan let out a small laugh as remembered watching the man slam his body into the stacks of chairs. He wasn’t who he expected - the guy looked like a clumsy git. Dan had expected a man much older and definitely not as attractive as Phil Lester. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt a shove by Jack. “Oi, care to share with the class? I’m not a mind reader!”

“Sorry, sorry…” 

-

Dan left Jack’s way too late in the night that he could hear nearby birds start to tweet, thankfully it was still a little dark and that he wouldn’t have to be up early. He hurried back to his trailer and out from the cold, slamming the door shut behind him. Searching for a light, Dan was thankful he had a candle still burning from when he had first left. Oops, that could have been a bad idea. As he made his way to his bed, he could see the outline of a body under the duvet, their long brown hair laying sprawled across his pillow. 

It was Hazel. 

He watched as he slowly turned her body, rapidly blinking up at Dan. “Dan, where have you been?” She pushed her arm out of the duvet trying to reach for him to join her. He removed his shoes and jacket before slipping underneath the covers. 

She had done this often, starting when they were little kids. Normally, Dan would wake up with a face pushed into the back of his neck and most of the quilt missing. He was thankful most nights this happened, not questioning her motive for being there. It was better than being alone. “Go back to sleep.” was all he answered with, shifting his body to cuddle her as she went back to sleep. 

“Night Danny, love you.” was barely audible in her sleep state. 

He sighed, “Night, Hazel. Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how about a surprise chapter update. No phil live-show tonight so I thought I’d put this one out since it’s ready. Don’t get use to it haha this won’t be a regular thing. Hopefully me getting this chapter out will make me to write tonight. 
> 
> Let me know if you are liking the story so far.
> 
> Edit: chapter 6 will be posted later tonight. I’ve had a busy day and no time to read over the chapter before I put it out. So stay tuned


	6. Chapter 6

They didn’t speak of it later. 

After the meal with his parents he found himself sitting in the back of a car with Rosie, as it drove them to the nearby hotel she was staying in. His parents insisted that he make sure she got back safe, even though Phil thought she was capable of looking after herself and if anything she’d probably be the one to protect them if something happened while on their way to the hotel suite.

Phil didn’t stay long knowing he had plans to be at the circus tomorrow. He saw Rosie to her room, thanking her for coming to dinner and saying he hoped to see her as soon as she was back in Manchester. Rosie seemed like a great girl, it wasn’t her fault he wasn’t attracted to her. She was the young lady men could only hope to get a chance with. She wasn’t afraid to give her honest opinions in conversation, constantly bringing up topics and continuing to tease Phil any chance she could. 

If everything stayed the same from this first meeting, he thought they could have a comfortable life together. 

-

Phil ran around his house as he desperately tried to force his foot into the shoe he was holding. He forgot to set his alarm the night before, when he got home he barely undressed his body before diving into the bed and falling asleep. Not waking until he heard Mister Paw’s paw scratching at the window pain, Phil shot up at the sight of the sunshine shining through his unclosed curtains. He made sure the cat was fed, not knowing what time he would return home that evening. He didn’t have any other plans than to do interviews, and worried that he might get hungry, resulting in him over feeding the feline’s bowl. 

He was out of the door when he remembered he left his notepad on the kitchen table, grunting as he shoved his key back through the lock to fetch it. Once he was in the car, he finally pulled out his watch out of his pocket to see the time. 

Only 9:47am?

Almost injuring himself, he came to find he wasn’t late at all and actually very early. He sat for a moment before getting out of the car and going back inside to eat breakfast. 

The cat was still sitting eating his dried cat biscuits when Phil came in, smoothing down his back before Paw’s jumped down off the table and made his way to the window, pushing it open with his head to get out. “Bye, then”. He felt a headache coming on so swallowing a couple painkillers, he took a seat at the table, bringing a hot cup of tea to his chest and daydreaming. 

Besides all the nervous feelings he had about today, he was excited to go back and meet with Dan. Before he left yesterday, they had a great couple hours with Hazel and Dorthy. He came to find that Hazel wasn’t Dan’s sister like he was first mistaken and had said that once the equipment is set up that she would give Phil a performance and teach him how some tricks are done. But until then he would interview her, Phil confessed that he was nervous to talk to anyone the day before and Hazel offered to be the first interviewee.

-

It didn’t seem to matter how many times he would pull up into the field, the sight of the big tent will make him have a funny feeling that made his stomach ache. As the morning had progressed, the sun was soon covered by grey clouds. He forgot to talk to Dan about where they would meet and made his way to his trailer, not knowing if this was appropriate or not. He walked to the door bringing his balled up fist to the wood, he had only knocked once when the door flew open to see Dan, fully dressed in similar clothes as the day before. Phil was in shock and choked out, “Hello, can I come in for a moment? Sorry I didn’t know where I should meet you.” 

“No that's fine, it’s my fault.” He watched Dan turn to look behind him, Phil was now looking past his body to see a sleeping Hazel in Dan’s bed. Oh crap. Phil must have said that out loud because Dan's head suddenly snapped back to see Phil looking through the door. 

“Um, she’s still sleeping. Is It okay if we..?” 

“Yes, I’m sorry I.. I should have waited at the tent.. I didn’t mean to…” Phil just turned his body, walking away from Dan without giving him a chance to reply. 

“Phil, wait!” He could hear the sounds of Dan’s heavy steps hitting the ground. “Please slow down for God’s sake. Slow down a moment!” Phil came for a sharp stop waiting for Dan to catch up. 

He turned to look at him. “I am so sorry for coming and interrupting, it wasn’t professional and I’ll make sure that in—"

“Phil, please stop talking! It’s fine she was just sleeping, she's not going to care if you saw her asleep.” 

He scrunched his brows together. 

“Look, I won’t tell her okay? If that makes you feel better. She had trouble sleeping last night, so I thought it would be a good idea to let her sleep in. We can go get some food or something to drink while we wait for her. I can introduce you to some other people here, there’s actually someone I want you to meet.” 

Dan didn’t seem uncomfortable with the knowledge of Phil finding his lover asleep in his bed, he was more concerned with Phil not being uncomfortable.. Okay?

Dan was smiling at him waiting for an answer, “Yes I would very much like a drink, thank you. I’m sorry again.” 

“Phil, stop. Honestly, you did nothing wrong. Right shall we go now then? I kind of need to sit down from running after you, boy can you walk fast.I need some water.” 

“Yes let's go.” Phil replied with as they walked across the grass

While making their way to the food tent Dan randomly spoke, “Do you get along with your family?” Phil thought it was such an odd question to ask unprovoked, “Yes, we have a great relationship, why do you ask?” 

“Oh, it’s just yesterday you seemed worried when you mentioned that you were having lunch. But I guess I was mistaken. Sorry for assuming..” Fan trailed off awkwardly. 

“No I understand why, my parents wanted to talk to me about something and I was a little worried.” 

“Can I ask if it turned out to be all fine?”

Phil swallowed the lump in his throat, “Yes everything.. everything turned out fine it was nothing, really.” 

-

Once they got inside the tent Phil took a seat while he waited for Dan to bring him a drink. He settled for a glass of water.

“Jack, Jack! Come here.” 

Phil turned to see Dan walking out the tent towards someone outside. He watched as Dan dragged a man with blonde hair, surprised to see the man was half a foot taller than Dan. 

He sat up straight while seated on the bench as Dan dragged the tattooed Male over to where Phil was sitting. Watching as Dan threaded his arm through the other man’s while pulling him along. He pulled his arm free once at the table and spoke, “Phil this is my best friend, Jack. Jack, this is Mr Lester, the writer here to interview everyone for the paper.” 

Phil watched as Jack moved around the table and held out his hand, grabbing his in a strong grip while shaking his hand. He almost muttered an “Ow” out loud but smiled through the pain. “Hello, it’s great to meet you, Jack. Are you a performer?” 

Jack took a seat on the beach next to Phil causing the wood to jolt making him feel uneasy. He watched as Dan sat on the opposite side of the table, resting his hands on top and picking the spit parts of wood with his nails. Smiling at Phil while Jack replied, “Yes I am, have been here for a while, actually. Maybe over 3 year? Is that right, Dan? Is this an interview?” 

“No no not yet, I’m actually here to talk to Hazel today.” He looked over at Dan wondering if she would wake up soon. 

“Oh Hazel,” Jack looked over at Dan and laughed before continuing. “she’ll love that won’t she Dan.” 

“Oi, be nice.” Dan scolded, sending Jack a pointed look. 

Phil let out a fake and awkward laugh, looking between Dan and Jack. 

“Speaking of, where is the Diva? Still sleeping?” 

Dangalled between Jack and Phil. “She's in my trailer, I’ll go make sure she’s awake soon. Mr Lester doesn’t want to spend all day waiting for her, sorry about that.” 

“It’s not a problem, I have all day here. If she’s not soon, we could always find something else to talk about..” Phil tried to suggest. 

“I’ll go wake her. It’s coming on close to midday, lazy brat.” Phil was confused about the way Jack was talking about Hazel, when he was talking to her yesterday she seemed perfectly pleasant. Why was she calling her a Diva?

“I’ll go get her now, I’ll be a min...” Before Dan could get up Jack had lifted his body from the bench and jogged away before turning and shouting, “too late!” 

Phil turned back as he heard Dan mumble, “For heaven's sake!” He wasn’t him curiously before opening his mouth to speak. “Do they not get along? It’s just, when I met with Hazel yesterday she seemed quite lovely.” 

Dan shook his head and sighed, “No they aren’t friends which makes it hard for me, being close to both of them. They used to get along when Jack first joined but.. who knows?” 

It wasn’t long before Phil heard a door slamming hard against wood. He would be surprised if the door was still intact, having not fallen off the hinges or cracked. 

“Here we go...” Dan mumbled. 

He watched as a dripping wet Hazel ran from Dan’s trailer, still dressed in a nightgown. Jack came out the door laughing at her running towards the tent. Phil couldn’t keep himself from gasping, causing Dan to reply with a “Yep!”

Hazel turned around, throwing her hands in the air screaming in Jack's direction. “You’re such a bloody idiot! You could have at least used warm water. That was freezing you, CUMBERWORLD!” 

“You were wasting everyone’s time sleeping the day away, Mr Lester has more important things than you.” Jack argued.

“I was waiting for Dan to come back...” She turned her body to search the room where Phil was sitting. He watched as she shrieked and threw her arms up to cover her drenched clothes. “Sorry!” she shrieked out before running back toward the trailers.

————————————————————————

Dan watched Phil in fascination. He still had his body turned away from him, watching Jack walk back towards the table. There weren’t many people in the tent to witness the altercation. Not that they would be fazed by Jack and Hazel’s behaviour, they argued constantly to where he would have to split most of his time between the two. But he felt embarrassed that Phil had to watch the scene that just played out. He tried to apologise before Jack reached the table. 

“I’m so sorry that you had to witness that. I didn’t think Jack would take it that far, Hazel shouldn’t be too long and we will all go to my trailer and get on with the interview, I promise we aren’t trying to waste your time.” He rambled on, finally gasping for a breath once finished. 

Phil turned his head back and nodded to his words, lightly laughing at what just happened. “It was amusing, not what I was expecting to see today, so no bother. I’ve said there's no rush today.” 

Dan held his breath and looked away, noting Jack was only feet away. 

“See I told ya Phil, a Diva.” Jack plonked his body next to Dan this time rather than next to Phil like before. 

Dan finally got Phil his water that he asked for when they first got to the tent. They continued to make conversation between themselves until a perfectly dressed Hazel approached them. She looked a lot older than the girl that was sleeping peacefully in his bed this morning, makeup lightly dusted over her face and not forgetting her bright red lipstick. She walked round the table greeting Phil then standing in front of Jack. shoving his body with her hand so he’d move away from Dan and she could sit next to him. 

“I apologise for Jack’s actions this morning. It was totally uncalled for—“ She started to say. 

“Oi!” Jack shouted next to her.

Hazel ignored Jack’s presence. “Mr Lester shall we get to the interview?” Gesturing to Phil’s book on the table. 

Dan watched as he opened the book and searched for a pen in his coat pocket. “Um— we will probably move this interview to my trailer actually, Hazel. Lunch will come up and soon the tent will be crowded.” Dan advised, standing up from the table.

“Yes let’s go, out of the way of prying eyes and ears.” Flicking her eyes to where Jack was seated, sending a smug look his way. 

Once they got back to Dan’s trailer, he watched as Phil took the same seat as yesterday, Hazel sat herself onto Dan's bed waiting for him to sit next to her. 

Dan watched as Phil fidgeted in his seat, opening his pad and putting his pen to the paper that was resting over his crossed legs. 

“Would you tell me a bit about your story? Maybe where you were born, or how you came to be here. I’ll let you talk and if I have questions I’ll ask them after, is that alright with you?” Phil wasn’t looking up, his eyes were pinned to the pages in his hand.

Dan felt Hazel jolt the bed by forcing her body to sit up straight before clearing her throat. “Well, we arrived when the circus was touring through France. My mother, Dorothy, you met her yesterday, was a ballerina looking for sanctuary. She had torn her tendon which had caused her to lose her job dancing for a production. It left her with no money for her and her four-year-old daughter.” She sent a smile to Phil before continuing, “Vincent didn’t care though, she wouldn’t be able to do the things she once did, but she would heal and be of use as a costume maker. He offered us a small trailer. It was only big enough to sleep one person, but Mum said it was perfect and she’d sleep on the floor until we found something bigger. That’s when Alice…” Dan blinked hearing the name. She turned to look at him, shooting him a worried glance. He offered a small nod, telling her to carry on. 

“She offered a bed in her trailer. They had two beds, one of them was for her and her husband and the other was for her son.” Dan watched as she turned her face away from Phil as if she was talking to Dan, smiling while continuing to stare at him in the eyes as if Phil was no longer in the room. “She had a five-year-old son, a horrid little boy with long curly hair, not much different from now actually.” she reached up and pulled one of Dan's curls. He heard Phil let out a small breath causing Hazel to snap out of her trance like state, looking back at Phil and continuing to talk. Dan didn’t look at him after that, instead he listened as Hazel continued to tell her story and to Phil’s pen scratching ink into the pad. 

Hazel hadn’t talked about their childhood by the time they were done with the interview. Dan was thankful that she skipped over that part. It would be his choice if he shared that he once was more than just a pair of hands backstage. Jack had come and knocked on his door when food was being served, Phil agreed on joining them. 

They all made their way to the tent, sitting around a table with Jack, Dorothy and Hazel. This wasn’t any different from the day before. They sat around eating food and talked about their interests with Phil. 

Dan could see people in the corner of his eye staring at the writer, he hoped that he hadn’t noticed. Thankfully, it looked like he was distracted in a conversation with Dorothy. 

Queenie was one of the people who kept looking over and mumbling words under her breath while watching Phil’s every move. He hoped she wouldn’t cause a scene. Really Phil had seen enough for one day without having a hate mob orchestrated by her. Dan caught her whispering to other occupants around the table and they began to look over at the table too.

He decided to ignore the looks, if Phil didn’t realise he didn’t want to draw any attention to what was happening. 

Dan cleared his throat, wanting to add to the conversation that was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and leave kudos if you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> Fun fact: When I was searching for old insults to use I came across this one. I thought it was funny and had to use it.  
> cumberworld (plural cumberworlds) (obsolete, derogatory) A useless person or thing; someone who is an encumbrance on the world.
> 
> Please read: May update. Wow sorry it’s been a few weeks since the last update. I don’t think the chapter will be out tomorrow (15th May) but I’m going to get it edited and see if I’m happy enough for it to be put out. I wish I was the type of person that couple put out the chapter as soon as it was written, but that’s not me I go over it a few times because of my anxiety. So it will be out soon. Hopefully a few days! If not then definitely next Friday, thank you for being patient with me.


	7. Chapter 7

It was almost dark by the time Phil noticed how late it had gotten. He was still sitting around the table they had eaten food around hours ago. There weren’t many people left, having abandoned the tent as soon as it got cold. Thankfully, Phil had remembered to bring a long coat when he left the house this morning. 

He was daydreaming, watching Jack’s movements as he threw his head back in shrieks of laughter at the words that left Dan’s lips. Phil now stared at Dan, having turned to look at the way his body jolted forward, wheezing out a breath, eyes squeezed tightly together forming crinkles on his cheeks. 

Phil didn’t know why they were laughing but he could feel a smile taken over his face from watching Dan.

“Phil,” 

He was shaken from his thoughts, hearing Jack call his name. 

“You alright mate?” Jack said lightly, pushing his elbow against Phil’s arm that has been resting against the tabletop. 

He shook his head, turning to look him in the eyes. “What? Yeah.. sorry.” Phil let out a small laugh moving his eyes to watch his hands brush against the splintered table. He pushed his nails against the top, ingraining half moon shapes through the soft wood. 

Hazel and Dorthoy had left about an hour before leaving himself, Jack and Dan still sat seated in the tent. 

Phil looked back up when he heard Jack say “So, I’m feeling tired and the set is going up tomorrow. I think I will head back now and get an early night. I’ll uh — I’ll see you tomorrow Phil?”

He watched as Jack flicked his eyes to Dan sending a silent message that he couldn’t read. Phil looks to see Dan nodding his head before looking at him. 

Jack left after shaking his hand, and had promised to meet tomorrow around lunch time. Silence stretched between Dan and Phil and he heard Dan let out an awkward laugh out of nowhere, before sighing softly.

“Would you like to go for a walk? Maybe we could have a look around the field and I’ll show you where everything will go up soon. As you heard Jack say, some sets will go up tomorrow.” Dan wasn’t looking at Phil anymore, he was constontraing on the exit that Jack just left through. 

Phil felt his eyes protrude from the sockets in excitement. “Yes, I would very much love to have a walk around with you. I need not rush off just yet like yesterday. Are you done with your drink?” He asked while moving to pick up his notebook and empty glass from the table. 

Dan took his glass in his hand, raised it to his mouth and threw his head back, drinking the rest of the purple liquid sitting at the bottom of the cup. 

He stood to move out from behind the bench. “Yes are you ready to go? It’s a bit of a walk but we have some animals if you would like to see them? They’ll be sleeping but we can still go in.” 

Phil placed his notebook and pen into his oversized coat pockets and stepped into a rhythm with Dan as they slowly moved through the grass, the sound of their shoes crunching the chilled green underneath them. 

He was buttoning up the last button on his coat, hands stopping mid air and quickly turning his head to look at Dan.

“You have animals?” Phil knew most circuses used animals in their shows. Most people loved it and that’s why they came, that’s why younger Phil had wanted to go. But when he had gotten older, he had learnt about the mistreatment of the creatures used: starved, whipped, beaten. He had seen no offer of animals on the flyer and assumed there wouldn’t be any.

He watched as Dan nodded to him, saying nothing more than a hum. 

Phil shook his head thinking of the next thing to ask. 

“What are the animals? I just didn’t see or hear any lions or tigers? Do you have elephants?” He felt his heart beat rapidly, he would love to see these creatures up close but not like this. They didn’t deserve the mistreatments he heard about just to make a quick buck. 

He heard Dan laugh beside him. 

“No, Phil we don’t have any animals like that. We have horses and a zebra but that’s mostly it. We couldn’t afford to look after anything more. We did many years ago though but we had come to a destination to rehome them to an exotic animal zoo. They are cared for there, no need to worry.” He watched as Dan turned to give him a reassuring smile. “But we had to keep the horses to help with travelling. It wasn’t as simple as coming by train.” 

“And the zebra?”

“Well he’s like a pet almost, he doesn’t do any heavy lifting or help us travel. He performs with Hazel, only once a night but he really loves her and she’s a good “mum” to him. Do you want to meet him?” 

“Uh—I don’t um I’m not a fan of horses.” 

“Well good thing he’s not a horse then. Trust me, he’s friendly. He’ll let you brush him and feed him. Not now because it’s late, but he likes midnight cuddles.” 

“When I say I’m not a fan of horses, I mean that I’m—I’m afraid of them.” 

He caught Dan in the corner of his eye, looking at him in curiosity, “What? What’s a horse ever done to you.. oh no is this where you're going to tell me a devastating back story where your wife was killed riding a horse?!”

Phil let out a loud laugh. “Gosh no, I don’t have a wife, and no one I knew died falling off a horse.”

Dan smiled. “Good to know.” He nodded to him to continue on. 

“It’s their faces.” Phil muttered out after a stretched silence. 

“Their WHAT?!”

“They just look weird and it freaks me out a bit that’s all. Is it that embarrassing to fear them?” 

“No, Phil it’s understandable to fear horses, just not because of the way their heads are shaped.” 

“Fine.” Phil chuckled off the conversation 

Phil felt Dan’s hand gently touch his shoulder, stopping him from walking. “We don’t have to go. If you really don’t like them, we’ll stay away. We can always go back to my trailer and have more tea. Or you could go?” 

He could have sworn he saw the disappointment in Dan's eyes, but didn’t have time to think about it when he felt Dan’s slide his hand down to Phil's forearm and pulled him in a different direction. 

All he could imagine was Dan slipping his hand lower slipping his fingers through Phil’s, to hold his hand.

“Dan, it’s not that bad, not deathly but could we um— maybe stick to looking at the zebra? I’ve never seen one before.” 

Dan pulled his hand away, placing them in his trouser pocket. Phil kind of missed his touch. 

“We can just go look, we don’t have to go in. We keep him separate but we have to be fast. It gets dark and we don’t have the lights set up yet, but it’s not far.”

They walked up to an average looking stable. He watched as Dan lent into one of the door windows, smoothing one of the sleeping horses’ heads. He turned to look at Phil before saying in a whisper “are you sure you don’t want to smooth one of them?” 

Phil took a step back. “It's bigger than I thought, I don’t want to wake it.” Looking past Dan's shoulder to see a horse standing up but not paying him any attention.

“You don’t have to but I promise nothing will happen, he’s not even facing this way. You don’t have to look at his head.” He laughs out, scratching behind the horse’s ear. 

He slowly moved his body towards Dan, sticking his shaking hand out and reaching over the wood to touch the horse. Phil could see Dan watching him and it was making him feel nervous. He squeezed his eyes tight.

“What are you doing?” Hummed Dan. 

“Nothing if I can’t see him then I won’t get scared. Am I touching it yet? It won’t bite me will it?”

Phil felt Dan’s hand in his, slowly moving Phil’s hand towards the horse. “Calm yourself a moment, I’m here. We’ll do it together, please just open your eyes.” 

It felt like hours had gone by but it was most likely seconds when Phil forced his eyes to open. Dan was still holding onto his and moving their hands together.

“He’s good, Phil. The kids like to come see them sometimes so they are used to people.”

Phil let out a breath and nodded. “Okay.” He pushed his hand out of Dan’s and smoothed the side of the horse, causing it to make a noise. He quickly moved his hand away just to have Dan grab it again, keeping their hands locked together and brushed it against the horse again. 

————————————————————————

Dan didn’t know what possessed him to take Phil’s hand in his own but he was still holding on for dear life, watching their hands locked together, rushing back and forth. He looked up, his eyes locking onto Phil’s. He thought he might have stopped breathing for a second, forcing his eyes to look away with urgency. Pulling his hand off Phil’s, he took a step back from the other man.

“Sorry.” He muttered, but he really wasn’t.

“Should we go see Zed?” He turned his body to move toward the opposite end of the stable where he was kept.

“Zed?” Dan laughed at Phil not making the connection. 

“Yes, the zebra. Oi don’t laugh, Hazel was the one to name him when we were like fithteen. You would think she’d let me have an opinion.” 

Phil shook his head, chucking lightly. “No, probably not.” 

“Right, so Zed.” He said now with a smile on his face. “He sleeps separately down at the end. He likes to be left alone at night and when me or Hazel sneak in to give him cuddles. It’s just down here.” They walked together and Dan opened the door for Phil to walk through into Zed’s sleeping pen. 

“Wait! You want me to go inside? What if he runs at me?”

“Phil, he's a zebra, not a rhino. He’s basically a big dog. You should see when he and the horses are let into the fields, he likes to fight with them and it’s very cute to watch. Just scratch him behind the ear because he loves it.” 

Dan waited for Phil to step through the door before following inside. He watched as Phil drifted towards the animal that stood in the corner.

“He’s beautiful.” Phil said not moving any closer towards the creature. 

Dan walked past him, feet crunching into the dried hay covering the ground.

“Hi Zed, I brought a friend for you to meet. Be kind, he's a little scared of your face.” Dan warned lightly, letting out a laugh. 

“Oi. Don’t tell him that.” Phil walked closer and stood next to Dan. 

He watched Phil as the zebra moved forward walking towards them, pushing his head against Dan’s hand and letting out soft neighs. 

He turned to Phil, offering him an encouraging smile. “Would you like to come closer? He won’t bite, he's a good boy. Aren’t you?”

Phil nodded to Dan and moved forward, sticking his hand out and placing it next to Dan’s where it was placed on the zebra’s snout. His smile was beaming teeth trapping his tongue between them. They stood there for a while just moving their hands over the zebra and Phil giggled at the way he acted at the gentle pats and scratches from the boys. 

Dan stood back to watch Phil as he took control, different from the guy he saw with the horses. Zed licked Phil's hand, causing him to shriek out and throw his hand in the air, before scrunching his nose up in discomfort. “Oh yuck.” 

He couldn’t help but double over at Phil's reaction, taking a few seconds to contain his composure. Phil laughed along with him, still holding his hand out as far as he could away from his body. 

“Let’s go wash your hands. It’s only getting darker and I’m feeling the cold.” Dan stood in a pair of wool slacks and a shirt that was too thin to be worn alone at night. 

Phil was smoothing Zed with the hand that was not covered in slobber. “Yes, can we? I’m not scared of him but my hand feels gross. Could I come back and see them again? Maybe.” 

Dan smiled at Phil when he said that he wanted to come back and see Zed again. He was like Dan’s child, and seeing Phil smiling and laughing over petting him was heartwarming. “Yes. We could come back when it’s light out and we have more time. I think he’d like that.” He walked back towards the Zebra rubbing down his side. “You’d like that wouldn’t you boy?” 

“He’s very cute and I would definitely like to come visit him again if possible. After work of course I don’t want you to think I’m just here to— to hang around and not do my job.” 

“No of course not, it’s fine we can always come see him after lunch so we can feed him. I know you're doing your job but..should we go? We won’t be able to see if we don’t leave now.” 

After giving a quick kiss to the back of Zed's neck Dan moved towards the door signalling for Phil to step out first and close the door after. 

As they walked across the field Dan pulled his shoulders towards his ears, trying to not bring attention to the fact that he was now freezing.

“Are you still cold?” Phil was staring, sending a considerate look to Dan.

“A bit.” Dan could see white puffs of air out as he spoke. 

“Here.” He watched as Phil shrugged off his coat, passing it over to him. 

“What? No! You’ll make yourself cold. Put it back on.” Dan tried to protest, refusing to take the jacket. 

“I’m actually rather warm and you haven’t been wearing anything more than a shirt so please just put it on, or we’ll both be cold.” Phil was still holding it out as they came to a stop in the middle of nowhere.

Dan nodded, taking the luxurious coat from Phil’s hand and threading his arms through the sleeves. It was a tad too big for Dan, causing his hands to be engulfed by the excess fabric. 

He could still feel the warmth from where Phil was wearing it. 

“Thank you.” He smiled, moving to walking toward Dan’s trailer.

“It’s no problem but.. I am a bit chilly so could we maybe have some tea, if it’s not too much trouble of course.”

Dan almost felt guilty for making Phil hand his coat over to him but he secretly liked how much it smelt like Phil. In a totally non-creepy way of course. 

“Should we run? You know which one it is? I’ll race you.” Just like that Dan took off running without turning around to see how far Phil was from him. 

“Oh you are on!” Dan could hear Phil shout, sounding not too far away. He was definitely unfit but was determined to beat Phil. 

Dan could hear the sounds of his shoes hitting the ground, trying to make sure he didn’t slip in the now dew covered field. 

He was almost there when he felt Phil grab his arm pulling him along with him. Dan tried to shove Phil oddly causing him to trip and land to the ground with a scream “ow what the—!” 

“Oh my go— I’m so sorry let me help you.” Phil bent down reaching for Dan’s body on the ground.

“No no I can do it, seriously can’t we be around each other for a day without causing the other to be hurt.” He saw Phil’s eyebrows shot up causing his forehead to wrinkle. “I’m not hurt, I was joking.” Dan didn’t want Phil to think he was seriously hurt by the man.

He pushed himself to his feet, thankfully they were only a few feet from the trailer door. He pulled his key from his trouser pocket opening the door before moving inside. Dan removed Phil’s coat from his body desperately trying to remember the way it made him feel wearing it. He walked over to the bed neatly placing the coat on top. 

Dan turned to look at Phil as he heard the door click shut. Phil was still holding out his hand, wanting to keep it away from his clothes. He remembered that Phil wanted to wash his hands and walked over to the only other door in the trailer and opened it for Phil. “You can wash up right here. There’s a fresh rag just in the bowl and the water is clean. A bar of soap is on the side, I’ll leave you be so you can clean yourself up.” 

-

A few minutes later Phil reamerged, flicking his hands out in front of him to dry them. Dan watched water dripping onto the trailer floor before rushing to pass Phil a dry towel. “Sorry! I forgot to give you a towel.” 

Phil said a quick thanks before making his way to the old wooden stool, that was now becoming Phil’s area. Dan moved to make the tea, pouring fresh water into the kettle and placing it on a burner, waiting for it to boil. 

Thankfully the silence didn’t last longer when Phil cleared his throat. “So where did you find Zed?”

Dan moved to sit on the bed. “We found him abandoned in a field when he was no more than a few days old. Hazel and I were playing one day and came across him alone, cold and hungry. We rushed back to tell Hazel's mum, and she got Vincent because he grew up on a farm when he was a kid. There wasn’t much we could do but hope he would be okay. Whoever had him before must have taken him away from his mum as soon as she gave birth; the poor thing didn’t even get a chance to feed from her before they threw him away like he was nothing. Somehow he made it, slowly he got better and we got him to bond with the female horses, he probably doesn’t realise he’s any different.”

Dan began to smile thinking of an old memory. “Me and Hazel would sneak out every night to see him. He really took to us, her especially. She’s like his mother, you should see them together. A couple years ago she trained him to be part of her act and he definitely loves the attention.” 

“That’s so sad, he's very lucky you two found him. Who knows what he would have gone through. You mentioned Vincent, when will I be meeting him? It’s just I haven't seen him around while I’ve been here. I think I saw him coming into my workplace to talk to my boss but that’s all.” Phil rambled out numerous questions. 

“Oh, well the thing with Vincent is he's all work work work. That man's age is finally catching up with him. No but seriously he’s just taking some time alone before we start everything up. I’m sure you’ll see him in a couple days.”

The truth was Dan didn’t know where he was. He hadn’t seen him in days, only seen Dorthy coming and going from his trailer. He’s been too occupied to go see him not thinking anything of ituntik now. Once Phil left he would go see what was going on. 

“That would be great. I would really like to meet him. I bet he has so many stories. I was going to ask, why don’t Hazel and Jack get along?” 

Dan couldn’t help but let out a short laugh at the question. “I'd like to know the same if I’m being honest. Jack’s been here for a few years. I’ll let him explain his back story but he didn’t intend to stay with us for so long. Before it was just me and Hazel years and years of being stuck to each other and when Jack came along she was fine with him being around. For the first 6 months they got along perfectly fine, you could almost say they were friends but then Jack didn’t leave. I was getting older reaching my later teen years, and so Jack and I grew closer and I felt like there were things I could confide in him that I couldn’t in Hazel. She seemed to think that I was leaving her behind, something like that which is so silly. He was just a boy that was a year or two older than I am now. They are both the closest people I have in my life and I don’t…” Dan stopped himself before he continued. 

He looked up to see Phil sat staring at him with sympathy, face frowning and eyebrows drawn together. “Oh I’m sorry. You could have stopped me from telling you my problems. You let me ramble on about things that I—“ Dan felt embarrassed at the way he found it so easy to talk to Phil. Would he end up spilling all his secrets?

“What, no it’s okay. It looked like you needed to let it out and I don’t mind if you need me to talk to you about the things you're going through.”

Dan looked down to see Phil's hand was stretched over and now placed on his thigh, it wasn’t there for more than a few seconds before the warm touch was gone. Dan looked at the empty space, it felt like it went too soon for his liking. 

Phil wasn’t looking at him. He coughed and moved on. “What are some of the acts that are part of the show?” 

He nodded, grateful for the change of subject. “Well I hope you remember me telling you that we have a smaller amount of performers than other circuses. Most of them have other talents that they use in more than one act. Hazel is trained in mostly anything Aerial, both hoops and silks. She used to do more acrobatic based performances but not anymore. We have three other performers that are acrobats, made of two women and one man.

Jack’s act mostly involves anything dangerous, fire eating, bed of nails. All different types of thrill acts. We also have acts like strong men, Trapeze, hula hooping, Jugglers, magic and—”

“You have a magician?! Sorry I don’t know why that was the one thing that caught my attention. I used to want to be a magician when I was a kid. But they all seem so fascinating. I usually hurt myself getting out of bed in the morning so I couldn’t dream of doing something like what Jack does.”

Dan laughed at Phil’s words. “Surprisingly it’s the parents who love the magician more than the kids.”

-

Phil didn’t stay long after they finished their tea, it was pitch black when they left Dan’s trailer. He remembered to use Jack's torch on their way. When they reach Phil’s car, they say their goodbyes before he headed back. Once inside, he noticed Phil’s long black coat still resting on the bed. He grabbed the coat and rushed out the door only to see the lights from Phil’s car getting further and further away. 

-

Dan made his way to see Vincent. It was all he could think about since he was left alone, the silence brought many thoughts and feelings he normally tried to keep at bay. He had heard nothing about Vincent for days and maybe that’s why it was only now why he had to know how he was. The past year had been hard on Vincent, earlier in the year, they had to call a doctor to come out and treat him twice. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything life threatening, but Vincent looked like he’d aged over 5 years in less than a year. 

He stood outside the door, hand clasping tightly at Vincent’s door handle. He let out a small breath before pulling it down and walking in. A candle was glowing beside Vincent’s bedside, causing shapes and shadows to flick across the wood. 

“Dan?” Dan’s eyes jumped to the lump of fabric in the middle of the bed, Vincent’s eyes squinting slightly at him. “What are you doing here? What time is it?” He tried to raise his head off the bed while speaking. 

Dan forced his legs to move closer to the bed. He noticed how pale he looked, sweat droplets resting on his forehead and upper lip. “I was—was worried. I haven't seen or heard from you for days. I didn’t mean to come over so late but.. I had to see you. What’s wrong? Should I call Dorthy to— to get a doctor. You don’t lo—” He was trying not to panic but he couldn’t help but think the worst. 

“Please stop worrying, Dan, please. It’s nothing, just a little cold. It hits you a lot harder when you're my age. Give me a few days and I’ll be right as rain and you’ll be wishing death upon me.”

“Never..”

Vincent looked guilty with what he just said. “How is the newspaper reporter getting along? Bet he’s a right sod! They all are, and boy have I met a few of them in my days.”

Dan laughed while moving to sit on the bottom of Vincent’s bed, being careful not to crush his legs. “He’s not a sod, well not that I have seen. Also he’s a writer not a reporter, which has made this situation a lot easier. Phil said he mostly writes Columns and hasn't done something as big as this.” He didn’t realise he called Mr Lester by his first name until Vincent questioned him.

“Phil?” 

Dan didn’t know how he would take him wanting to be friends with Phil. “Mr Lester, sorry. He’s actually friendly. He stayed for a little while meeting Jack, Dorthy and Hazel. And today he did an interview with Hazel.” 

“Good, that's very good. I’m happy to hear the boy is a good one, I asked around about him when I went into town and didn’t get much other than he is a kind young man.” 

Dan could have sworn Vincent sent him a wink, but it was probably something in his eye.

“How long will he be staying?” Vincent looked like he was half asleep while speaking to Dan. 

“He wants to get to know us more than just interviewing with us. He said he’ll probably be around during summer, most likely. He’s coming by tomorrow afternoon to see the set being built.” 

Vincent attempted to nod. “If you don’t mind now Dan, I’m getting rather tired and wish to sleep.” His eyes were almost fully closed. 

Dan said his goodbyes before slipping out the door and headed towards the place he calls home. Seeing Phil’s coat now hung on his one and only hook, he couldn’t bear putting such an expensive coat on the floor of his trailer. He decided tomorrow he’d have Jack drive him in Vincent’s car into the city where Phil works. He couldn’t have him not have his coat. This was definitely an excuse to see Phil before he came to see them for the day, but he wouldn’t admit it if you asked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: was no one really gunna tell me I put father instead of further! I’m rereading as a refresher and I can’t believe how dumb I am haha smh
> 
> I really hope you like the fic so far and I want to say any future “angst“ or “Relationships” won’t be forever it’s in the build of the story. So if you are ever worried Dan and Phil will live happily ever after. Obviously I’m not going to spoil the story we’ll all have to suck up any angsty parts and cry together. I would like this fic to be a good length so I won’t be rushing anything. 
> 
> Also here’s a tidbit I have to watch moulin rogue everytime I’m writing a chapter. Beside it being my favourite film I find inspiration in it. And no there will be no major character death. 
> 
> See you soon (hopefully sooner than you’d like)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little update. As we can all see I’m shit at posting once a week. Lol so I’m going to just post when a Chapter is done. Sometimes I stop myself from writing thinking is there any point if no one is reading or enjoying. Don’t you just wish you could shut your brain off? Anyway I do hope whoever is reading likes the story so far. I appreciate you.

Phil made his way through the office door. He wasn’t planning on staying long before heading to the circus. He needed to pick up some work that he was working on besides this current job. He would try to get in and out without coming into contact with his boss. 

Today it looked like luck wasn’t on his side when Phil heard his boss's booming voice. He was still crouched behind his desk midway pulling work from the top drawer, when he heard Mr Johnson's voice was gradually getting closer and closer. He closed his eyes, somehow hoping it would turn him invisible. 

“Philip,” It wasn’t the voice he was expecting.

He counted to five before slowly turning around to see Mr Johnson standing with his father. He felt the anxiety drain from his body, if only slightly. Johnson wouldn’t say anything insulting with his father standing right beside him. 

Phil plastered on a not so convincing smile, “Hello, father, Mr Johnson. How are you today?”

“Very well, thank you, Philip. I didn’t think I would see you here today.” His father responded, pulling at a loose thread hanging from his suit. 

Johnson was still stood next to his father, not saying a word, just sending smug looks in Phil’s direction. 

Phil held up the paperwork in his hands. “I wasn’t planning on coming in but I have some work I need to pick up, I’ll be leaving soon.” 

His father nodded his head happily. “How did it go with Rosie after you left? She’s a very exquisite young lady.” Phil looked at him in horror. His dad sometimes had no self awareness. 

“Dad… not now.” He couldn’t look at Mr Johnson but he thought he heard him snicker. Phil quickly shut his desk draw now having all that he needed and walked past the two men. “I’ll see you for dinner Friday, Father.” 

He rushed out the building pushing through the big double doors, hoping to get back to his home as soon as possible. He was shocked to see Dan standing across the street staring up at the building. 

“Dan?” Phil shouted, causing Dan’s body to jump slightly. “What are you doing here?” He whispered to himself before seeing the road was clear and crossing to the smiling brown eyed boy. Dan held out Phil’s coat between them, greeting him with a quick ‘hello’ and shoving the coat towards the older boy. 

“You forgot this.” Dan looked away from Phil, glancing around the street before moving back slightly to take in the sight of Phil. 

“Oh, you didn’t have to come all the way here. How did you get here?” Phil was concerned by how he got here. It was a lot of trouble just to bring him his coat back. 

Dan shrugged nonchalantly, “Jack drove us here, and it was no trouble. I had to pick something up from town anyway.” 

Phil looked down at Dan’s now empty hand. “Where are they?”

Dan blinked at his question. “What?”

He laughed at him. “The things that you needed to come here to get? Do you need me to show you around?”

“Oh no no, I gave them to Jack. He drove back and said he’d pick me up around the park in a couple hours.” 

“How did you know I would be here? I hate to think you have been standing around for hours.” A bit of Phil hoped that Dan was here just for him but at the same time, he didn’t like the thought of him walking around for hours alone. 

“I wouldn’t have waited long. I’ve only just got here when you found me, no need to worry.” 

“Thank goodness for that. I was on my way to my house if you would like to walk me? If Jack will be gone for a little while you can come wait till he comes. Then we can all drive back together. Unless you would rather look around or have things to do…” He trailed off, thinking that he was rambling. 

Before Phil could finish his sentence, Dan cut him off. “I’d love to. I mean, yes, that seems like a good idea. Thank you, Phil.” 

“It’s no problem. Thank you for bringing me my coat. It’s about a 10 min walk this way.”

Dan and Phil walked in sync throughout the city, a comfortable silence stretched between them. He didn’t feel the need to talk as they sent each other tiny glances and smiles. 

They turned down to the road where Phil lived. He watched Dan look in wonder at the houses, and he felt self conscious about living in such an upper class area. He didn’t live in one of these big fancy houses. He could afford to, but living alone in his small town house is what he preferred. If he lived in anything bigger, he would truly know how lonely he felt. 

“We’re almost there.” 

Phil stopped outside his front door removing his keys and unlocking the door, gesturing for Dan to enter in first. “Please come in.” 

“Your house is very nice.” Dan complimented, gaping around the entrance with a slight frown adorning his young face. 

“Thank you, would you like to make your way to the kitchen and I’ll make you a drink or something to eat.” Phil pointed to the kitchen archway as he took off his hat and jacket. 

Dan called out from the kitchen, “Water will be fine. Thank you.”

Phil walked through to see Dan kneeling down on the tiled floor, smoothing the stretched out cat on the cool surface. The sun light from the window was lighting up a spot on his fur. 

Dan glanced up as he walked in. “You have a cat?” He questioned.

“Um— no, he’s not really mine” 

The boy continued to pet the moggy on the floor, “Then why is he here?” Now scratching under the cat's chin causing him to purr. 

“Well he’s kind of mine. He doesn’t have an owner. He’s a street cat but I care for him and feed him when he wants… I guess he is mine.” Phil finally came to the realisation.

“Yep, he’s definitely yours. Isn’t that right, buddy?” Dan continued to pet the cat. “Are you nice and warm? Yes you are.” Mr Paws meowed at him, causing Dan to smile wider. Phil couldn’t look away from the scene. He walked away to get Dan his water from the tap and placed the glass on the round kitchen table. He moved out a chair to sit and watched Dan sitting now on his bum playing with the cat's paws. He was overcome with a strange sensation, he thought he could feel a slight ache in his chest. 

Dan turned away from the cat, getting up slowly and pulling out the chair opposite Phil. After taking a sip of the water he asked, “What’s his name?”

“Mister Paws.”

“Mister Paws? Phil, he’s a bloody tabby cat!” Dan’s tone didn’t seem serious, shaking his head as he laughed. 

“I didn’t mean to name him but he kept coming back. I’d find him in the kitchen, then the living room and eventually in my bedroom. My father kept telling me to stop feeding him, but I don’t mind. I like the company and knowing that if he’s gone for a few days, then he’ll always come back.” Phil realised he was staring at Dan's cup and nothing else. Flicking his eyes, he saw Dan watching him curiously. 

“That’s very sweet. I’ve never had a pet. Well, I guess you could count Zed as one but nothing like a cat or a dog. Maybe one day though.” Dan dimples were big and beautiful as ever. 

————————————————————————

Dan and Phil transferred to Phil’s living room. Over an hour had passed being in his home and he was still amazed at luxurious furniture as ever. Solid wooden floors that didn’t creek under his feet, gorgeous china that Phil was most likely the one to buy. The designs fit Phil’s personality perfectly. The house wasn’t like the big houses they had passed but Dan never would have dreamed of living somewhere like this, having spent his whole life living in a trailer. He was happy with it and he wasn’t a part of him complaining, but he felt a tad bit envious. 

They were sat on a large chesterfield sofa. He was worried about sitting at first, scared that he’d somehow ruin the rich brown leather. It was a ludicrous thought as he was wearing clean clothes. Phil didn’t care though. Seeing Dan hesitate, he slightly nudged him so he fell onto the seat and sitting beside him. 

He was worried that he had crossed a line showing up at Phil’s workplace without mentioning it beforehand. But he looked happy to see him standing outside, albeit a little shocked. When Phil invited him in, he was grateful but part of him didn’t want to leave. 

When the cat had left the kitchen, Phil asked Dan if he’d be more comfortable to sit in the living room and the pair had spent the last hour laughing about nonsense. Phil’s doorbell rang causing the pair to jump in shock and Dan to grab onto Phil's forearm. The pair locked eyes and he snatched his hand away, as if Phil was on fire. 

“Sorry that must be my mother. I forgot she was bringing something over. I’ll be just a minute, do you mind?” Phil voiced before standing and straightening his tie. 

“Of course not. Um…Would you like me to sneak out the back door?” Dan picked up his coat to put it on. He felt slightly embarrassed but this wouldn’t be the first time someone would have asked him to do this. 

Phil turned back to look at Dan, eyebrows scrunched together and causing two deep wrinkles between them. “Of course not. I-I’m not asking you to leave. Put your coat down. Just stay here while I go let her in.” 

Dan lowered himself back down, slightly shocked that he wasn’t asked to leave but rather told to say while Phil opened the door for his mother to come in and see him sitting in her son's house. He sat awkwardly, chewing his bottom lip a few times while brushing off crumps off his trousers left over from a small slice of cake Phil brought in with a pot of tea. He could hear a woman’s voice getting closer and closer before jumping up to stand, placing his hands behind his back. 

Watching Phil and an older woman walk through the door, he observed her eyes bulge slightly from their sockets, obviously shocked to see Phil wasn’t alone. “Oh, hello?” She offered, turning back to look to silently questioning Phil. 

Dan swallowed thickly, jutting his hand out from behind his back and moving it to shake her hand. “Hello, mam. How are you?” 

“I’m very well, um-“

“This is Dan, Mum. He works with the circus and is helping me with my work. Dan, this is my mum.” Phil sends him a small smile to Dan, causing the anxiety to slowly melt away from his body.

“It’s lovely to meet you.” Dan hurried out. She smiled at him too. 

“You too my dear. I’m sorry to interrupt you two working but—“ she looked over to where Dan was standing, eyes scanning the tray and coffee table clearly not covered in work, but empty cups and dirty plates. “I was just popping in to bring my son these.” She held up a large plate covered by a tea towel. “You see I’ve been learning to bake and I’m using Phil as my guinea pig. Why Mr Lester won’t touch the first batch until he’s read Phil’s reviews of them first.” She laughs a little to herself before continuing, “He writes out reviews on my pad before I leave so I know what to fix or change it’s very swee—“

Dan hides his blushing cheeks behind his hand. 

“Mum...we weren’t working so it’s no trouble at all.” Phil confessed, moving to take a seat. 

His mother looks over at Dan before moving both of her eyebrows in a gesture to Dan, at Phil. “I see,” smiling sweetly. 

“Do you have time for a drin—“

“Oh no no. I was really only popping in and giving you some goodies but I’ll be off now. It was a pleasure to meet you, Dan. I’m sure we will see each other some time in the future.” She sent him a wink before hurrying out the door.

-

It wasn’t long after Phil’s mother left before he and Phil were on their way to meet Jack. Phil was driving and Dan sat in the passenger seat watching the beautiful scenery flicker past. They pulled up to see Jack sitting on the hood of a car, smiling and waving towards them. 

“Hello, Jack.” Phil walked straight over to shake his hand. 

“So he managed to find you then?”

“Yes I found him standing outside my work when I was leaving. I think I might have a stalker.” Phil joked. 

“You got that right. He pressured me to drive him here to bring you back your coat. I said Dan he’s com—“ 

Dan elbowed Jack in the ribs. “Can we go?” 

“Ow why didn’t you hurt Phil too?” He pointed his next question towards Phil. “Are you going to be coming in our car? You can drop back yours if you’d like. I have no problem bringing you back later.”

Dan turned his head to Phil, waiting for his answer. 

“I don’t know how long I am planning to stay. Maybe I should bring mine. I don’t want to put you out.” 

“No problem.” Jack moved around to the drivers side of the car, getting into the seat. “Dan?” 

Dan looked back at him before moving towards Phil’s passenger door. “I think I’m going to join Phil.” He bent down to look through the window seeing if he was okay with Dan joining him. Phil nodded in a silent approval. 

“Suit yourself.” Jack said before starting his engine. 

Once Dan was in the car, Phil turned the key and started the car, waiting for Jack to pull away before following along. The car was rocking side to side when going over uneven ground. Dan slightly fell forward almost hitting the dashboard. “Sorry.” Phil apologised while focusing on his driving. Dan just laughed in response and stayed silent until he could see the tent peaking over the grassy hills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment I would love to know what people think. 
> 
> I really hope you like the fic so far and I want to say any future “angst“ or “Relationships” won’t be forever it’s in the build of the story. So if you are ever worried Dan and Phil will live happily ever after. Obviously I’m not going to spoil the story we’ll all have to suck up any angsty parts and cry together. I would like this fic to be a good length so I won’t be rushing anything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I didn’t upload in August at all. I’m sorry guys but here’s chapter 9 😊

Phil was seated inside the show tent. More of the set and equipment had been added and it looked worlds apart from the place he first stumbled in only days ago. When he looked up he could see that the lights now shined brightly showing the true size of the tent. There were giant poles holding the heavy sheet up and ropes perfectly placed higher than Phil would like to be stood. 

Dan, Jack and Dorthy sat beside him. All three were waiting for Hazel to make an entrance. Phil never got the chance to see the aerial performance when he was a child so he tried to refrain from showing how truly excited he felt. Suddenly, the tent moved into darkness and a spot light hit somewhere above them. He heard clapping coming from his left side, it was Hazel's mum smiling brightly at the light. Dan placed his fingers in his mouth and let out a loud whistle, something Phil was jealous he’d never been able to do. He turned his head back to where Hazel was slowly being lowered down on a hoop. She looked stunningly beautiful. Her hair was pulled off her face in a very tight bun, leaving no hair to fall on her perfectly applied face of makeup. 

She craned her head to look down at the sixteen foot empty space while continuing to be lowered down, before coming to a sharp stop. Her body suddenly dropped backwards off the hoop and Phil felt his heart in his throat. Her knees caught her body from falling to the ground. It was part of the act, but that didn’t stop Phil from hearing Dan gasp beside him. 

He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She bent backwards to hold onto her ankles causing her body to spin the hoop before flipping her legs over, holding on by her hands. The hoop began to lower as she manoeuvred her legs like she was walking down invisible steps. Once on the ground, she took the hoop in her hand and walked around the floor, presenting herself to the imaginary crowd. Now that she was closer, Phil noticed a small rip in her leotard and holes in her stockings. A crease formed between his brows as he turned to look at Dan but he was already looking back at Phil. He gave Phil a sad smile before he turned his head to look back at Hazel. He clapped louder than before, creating encouraging sounds with his mouth. 

Phil couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t noticed her damage kit but chose to rather join in with Dan, smiling as Hazel was once again seated on the hoop. She used her leg to spin herself on the hoop in a fast motion, before she began to ascend into the air, her body sat profile as the lights went dark. 

Everyone stood cheering, clapping and hollering praise. Phil could hear Hazel laughing from the dark as the lights flicked back on. She walked over to Dan and placed her body on his lap, facing towards Phil. Her legs crossed themselves and arms wrapped around Dan's neck keeping her body steady. 

“You’re heavy.” Dan grunted, trying to push her off of him. 

“So Mr Lester, how was I?” She smirked and batting her lashes at him. 

“Magnificent. I’ve never seen anything like that before, I’m.. lost of words.” 

Hazel laughed at Phil's response. “Wow Phil you are easily impressed. That was just a warm up. Wait ‘til opening night.” 

Phil nodded. 

“Right how about you get off me, you lump. Phil has work to do.” Dan poked at her waist, causing her body to jolt. Hazel moved off his lap, standing with her hands on her hips to question Dan. 

“Oh like what?” 

“He’s interviewing Jack later today. But before then, do you want to show how you do some of your stunts?” He turned to Phil questioning if he would be interested in watching that. “Is that something you’d like to see? Or would that be taking all the magic away?” 

Phil quickly shook his head. “No, I'd love to see how it’s done. It looks like it takes a lot of strength to do what you do.”

Hazel smiled brightly at him. “Well Mr Lester, maybe I could teach you a thing or two.” She grabbed Phil’s arm, dragging him over to the middle of the floor before he could protest. 

“John! Lower the hoop.” 

He looked back at Dan sending him a silent plea of help. Dan just shook his head and laughed in response. 

“Right so, sit on the hoop. I promise no one will pull you up. It will be strictly floor based.” Hazel ensured, lightly shoving him down into the hoop. 

He sat down on the curve of the hoop, feeling a slight jolt from his weight. 

“Phil, how are you with being spun fast?” 

She stood in front of him, one hand on the metal ring. 

“Uhh...I get motion sickness.”

“Oh that’s just great. Well you’ll have to spin yourself. Place both feet on the floor and pose for everyone.”

Phils eyes flicked behind Hazel's head as she bent down to be eye level with him. “I promise that no one here is going to mock you, I just thought it would be a bit of fun. It’s okay if you want to stop.” 

He looked into her eyes, which were filled with sincerity. “I’m okay time do it.” He ensured, wrapping his hands around the hoop. Hazel moved her body so that the others could see him. He turned his body to the side slightly mimicking a pose he saw her do during her warm up. 

Any worry about his pose looking effeminate melted away as soon as the others clapped and shouted. 

“Go Phil!” 

Phil smiled hearing Dan cheer over the loud claps. 

He kicked out his foot against the floor, causing him to spin on the hoop. It wasn’t fast as Hazel but he liked the feeling. He looked out front to see everyone seated in front of him, becoming a blur as he spun around. Phil laughed at himself trying to keep his feet from hitting the floor. 

“Now to stop yourself from spinning, gently brush your toe against the floor and slowly come to a stop.”

He stretched out his foot, his leather shoe lightly scuffing against solid flooring and sat still. Feeling a bit dizzy, he lifted a hand to his head and closed his eyes tightly. 

“Is it okay if we stop? I’m feeling a tad light headed.” 

He heard footsteps and a hand gently grab his arm. 

“Are you okay, Phil? Come sit down.”

He felt Dan drag him through the tent and place him on his seat. His eyes were still closed but he felt like he was spinning in circles. 

“Phil? Do you need anything?” 

“I think.. I think I need to lie down for a few minutes. If possible that’s possible.” He said, covering his eyes with his hands. 

“Jack, can you help me take him to my trailer?” He heard him call out, and Phil finally opened his eyes to see Dan’s face was very close to his. 

“I can walk myself, I don’t need anyone to carry me.” 

Dan laughed. “We aren’t going to carry you, stupid. But if you suddenly collapse at least I won’t be alone.” 

Phil nodded. “Thank you,” 

All three of them made their way across the never ending grass field. He steadied himself. Jack and Dan pressed closer to Phil, glancing at him every few seconds. He was starting to feel sick and Dan notes out loud that he looked like an almost pale green colour. He didn’t believe it himself until he looked into the glass mirror when they reached Dan's trailer. 

Dan rushed in first, holding the door for Phil to walk in. He then made his way over to the bed pulling a book off the bed and moving some other miscellaneous items. 

“Thank you, I just need to close my eyes for a few minutes most of the time, that's what stops the sick feeling.”

Phil placed his body on the bed and closed his eyes. “Don’t let me rest too long. I still want to talk to Jac..” He didn’t get the chance to finish before he found himself falling into a deep sleep. 

———————————————————————

Dan was sitting with Jack, waiting for a sleeping Phil to wake. The colour he looked before passing out on the bed worried him. He couldn’t help but chew his thumb nail before ripping it off and spitting it to the ground before moving onto the next one. 

“Do you mind? I’m the one who has to clean that up.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled out.

“Do you think we should wake him? It’s been some hours since he has been in there and don’t take offence to this, but I want you out of my trailer.”

Dan glared at Jack spitting another bitten nail at him.

Jack laughed it off, trying to kick his leg at Dan.

“You are right though, I think I should wake him.”

Dan moved to get up, turning back to question why Jack wasn’t following. 

“You go, I’ll stay here and let you two have some more alone time.” He said while winking. 

Dan glared again. “Oh piss off!” He shouted before barging out of the door, not worrying about it making a loud slamming noise. 

He lightly knocked on the door of his trailer, hoping Phil would already be awake. 

When he didn’t get a response, he quietly walked in, still seeing the man lying on his side in the bed. His heart squeezed at the sight of Phil’s face, brows knitted together, blanket pulled up to cover his mouth and glasses slipping from his face. 

He knelt in front of the bed hoping to wake Phil up gently.

“Phil, Phil wake up.” He said in a whisper. 

Phil didn’t seem to show any signs of waking up and he let himself do something stupid. He lifted his left hand and brushed the few stray hairs that were covering his eyes. He smiled to himself feeling the heavily waxed hair curl around his fingers. 

Phil suddenly made a noise like he was pushing out air. Dan pulled his hand away and moved back slightly to see Phil open his eyes. 

“Hi!” Dan said a little too loud, being that close to Phil’s face. 

“Hi..? Where am I?” Phil asked, still lying down but moved his body to lie on his back, face still focused on Dan. 

“Umm my bed.”

“Why? I needed to lie down didn’t I? What time is it?”

Dan gulped and looked out the window. 

“It’s getting dark, I’m sorry I didn’t wake you. The sun will be setting soon, but the sky was overcast with dark clouds. It was raining quite heavy too, I’m surprised it didn’t wake you. You must have been really tired.”

“Oh no that’s okay I think I needed the hours. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I did hear the rain hitting the glass, I think it actually sent me into a deeper sleep. It was comforting to me.”

Phil lifted his body to a seated position. 

Dan watched him stretch his arms in the air and yawn. 

He had to look away then. Seeing Phil wake up in his bed, messy hair and all made me feel all funny inside. 

“Should I leave you alone until you are ready?” Dan didn’t really want to leave but he was being polite.

“No.” He turned his head to see Phil say, smiling at him. “Why are you on the floor? Come sit with me.” He said, patting the spot on the bed beside him. 

Dan almost tripped up too fast, laughing at his own awkwardness. “Sorry.” 

He sat next to Phil feeling self concussion. 

“Did you touch me?” The question was in an accusatory way but there was a hint of humour behind it 

“What? No!” Dan protested, his voice raising a little. 

“I thought I felt something touch my hair. Are you sure you didn—“

“Yes.” He coughed before continuing. “Yes, sorry umm...I was scared it would slip into your eyes and blind you.” He said, knowing that it sounded like the worst lie that had ever been told in the history of the world. 

Phil bumped his shoulder into Dan’s. “Well in that case, thank you for saving my eyes. Although I’m pretty much already am blind.” 

Dan found himself bumping his shoulder back into Phil’s. “You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I’m not great at uploading this fic but because it’s all coming from my head I constantly find ways to put it off.
> 
> So I’m going to be uploading a new small chapter fic inspired by 13 going on 30. I think something with a outline mapped out could help me a bit. Still going to be uploading this one but I’m hoping that if I can use each fic to procrastinate from each other haha 
> 
> Chapter one is hopefully up next Friday. I’m going to make start on the next chapter of on hold me in your arms this weekend. Send me good vibes ☺️

**Author's Note:**

> Message me on tumblr if you’d like https://www.tumblr.com/blog/secretstanner  
> I would love feed back if possible. Let me know what you think.  
> Thanks guys,  
> Barbie


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